A couple of great excerpts from my Daily Simpsons' Calendar that were from last week:

Troy McClure: Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You may remember me from such medical films as "Alice Doesn't Live Anymore" and "Mommy, What's Wrong with That Man's Face?"

An ode to not being a gymrat:
Milhouse's mother: You know, Milhouse, you are getting a little doughy.
Milhouse: Aw, can't I just have the surgery?

An ode to my current dilemma about asking guys out:
Renee: Really? You think I'm gorgeous?
Moe: Yeah, well, the part that's showin'. Guess you could have a lotta weird scars or a fake ass or somethin'.
Renee: You don't talk to a lot of women, do you?