Guess who's blogging from his family's home in Independence, Missouri? Turns out my uncle is storing his computer, with modem, over at my grandparents', and well, the rest speaks for itself. Anyhoo, I've been having a nice time with the family since arriving Wednesday. Ugh, I do not want to fly again anytime soon. I wasn't too scared this flight or anything, just the extremely long lines on top of other extremely long lines and waiting at the airports just really ended any interest I have in flying anytime soon again. Rather just stay at home anyway.

Besides, my New Year's Resolution this year is to get my finances in order. That means I've got to start cutting back-- less eating out (that's going to be nearly impossible), no more frivolous doctors' appointments of the chiropractic, massagistic, or mental kind (oh, that's going to be hard to lose), no more expensive toys, less toys for my niece (oh, that's going to be sad), and better financial planning. Ugh. But a worthy resolution nonetheless. Wish me luck.

More thoughts on being home with the family. Why is it that family members seem to think it's ok to talk about each other's weight and looks in negative ways all the time? My weight seems to be the talk of the town. The more they talk, the less I care about the weight and the more angry I get about them. Who gives them the right to come up to me and pat my belly and make such references? How long can I pretend that I'm not angry? Grrrr.... Additionally, I went to a family reunion of sorts for Christmas on Friday. Hadn't seen them in years because they usually have those things earlier in the month before I arrive in town. Back then I was very skinny, as I had always been my whole life. So being there and all of them seeing me in the flesh was a rarity indeed. Now since they hadn't seen me in ages and had missed my steady changes over the years, my weight was the big topic. This coming from people who have probably never seen a gym in their life, eat constantly, have no fashion sense, wear sweats to formal occasions, fart in public, scratch their behinds in public, and dance the white trash fandango everyday. But I guess my newfound weight is worthy fodder to them. I hate people. Can't believe I'm longing to go back to the self-obsessed, fashion-crazed, gym-compulsed set in San Francisco, but at least they only talk behind your back.

Well, I shouldn't say that. I do love being here among my white trash brethren. It does give me a homey feeling and I do know that once they would get accustomed to my new look I would fit in just fine. I'm just annoyed, that's all. I would probably fit in better here also, except for the whole liberal gay thing. I try to avoid any types of conversations that would lead to religious, political, sexual, or controversial discussions/arguments. Boy are they out there and boy do they try to bait me, but I'm trying to quiet my tongue. I've heard enough racist, sexist, anti-anything-but-Christian/American/"normal," to last me a while. Good thing I have my 8-year-old niece to go play with so that she and I can avoid such "adult" conversations. The stupidest argument I was able to avoid was the Harry Potter vs. Christianity one. My Mom had the greatest line though: "I don't think God is going to say (before the ivory gates to heaven): Did you go to see Harry Potter?" Go Mom! But of course she's the one that constantly pressures me to go to church with them. Ugh, why do I have to go through that pressure every visit? I love them and I respect their church; I just don't want to go. I also wouldn't feel comfortable going unless I could be openly gay, and I don't think they could handle that.

The gay thing never really comes up around the family. Even the family reunion was quiet on those subjects. Some of them know; my part of the family knows; so maybe they just don't want to bring it up. But I often wonder if I had a boyfriend and tried to bring him to family gatherings what that would be like. Since I will probably be alone the rest of my life I probably will not have to worry about that. But still, I wonder. I went bowling with my grandfather, my brother, and a great-uncle and bowled very well (176). The gay thing or really anything never came up. Guess there's actually very little talking during bowling or among men unless it's sports related. Anyway, that's enough for this post I guess. I'll post more later. I'm about to go out with my friend Walter again. He's so nice and wonderful. Wish he was around in SF. At least in SF I have my babycakes. I'll talk to you guys later. Bye.