PHILOSOPHY

Some of you may wonder why I've waxed more fully than before on my life. A couple of things prompted this.

One, Sparky came to town and noted that he wanted to know the "man behind the headlines." It may have been a little side comment to him and others, but it really made me think and I haven't forgotten that comment of his.
Two, Brian wrote in after my first diatribe, "I hope you'll let your readers be a part of your journey to recovery." That simply has to be one of the nicest and most engaging comments I've ever received. (Not to go without mentioning: I've received other great emails and comments, including some unforgettable ones back in March after the "post from hell" was written. I very much appreciate all of them.)
Three, I need to be open about this because I know I can't do this alone. I realize that I need help. I'm trying but, again, it is very hard.

The medication is working to some extent, but I keep getting into constant philosophical discussions in my brain that go nowhere and leave me completely immobile. (i.e. if I go to see a movie today, does that define who I am for this day?... if I choose to see "Eight Legged Freaks" over something else, does that say who I am right now in 2002?) As you can see, insanity is reigning in my brain and I end up not doing anything and becoming immobilized by these endless self-defining queries. If I can't even choose a movie, how can I decide on other larger issues of life? It's all a bit overwhelming and tiring, but I am trying and really appreciate the thoughts and help you've given me. I will keep on trying and keep on updating you as I go through this struggle. It's something I know I need to do.