AIDS/HIV

Negative

But what does that mean? And why is being negative a positive? Doesn't that seem counterintuitive? Why is negative just a status quo, everyday regular joe schmo, nothing to celebrate, nothing to mitigate, everything to be standard, hohum, nothing to be, nothing to shout, nothing to write home about?

As part of my Issues of the Month I am trying and will continue to try to "walk the walk" and not just "talk the talk" each month. As such, on the issue of Choice for this month, I've signed onto several action alerts and will be joining CARAL's Political Committee soon via my friend Ellen.

But with my December issue, AIDS/HIV, the action took on a more personal activity: getting tested. I've been tested over the years many times, but I realized as I was doing the month's issue that it had then been about a year and a half since my last one. I knew I needed to "walk the walk" on getting tested and learning more about my own personal piece in the epidemic. So, even though I didn't get around to getting the test til a few weeks ago, I finally did it and got my results tonight.

But what does it mean as a Gay man to be negative? I know it's a positive thing to be negative, and yet it feels so bereft of news or interest or drama to continue to always be the same. This is good news, don't get me wrong, I know. But it just seems lacking in something positive, something to say, something to state, something to be. I think that's an ongoing delimna in the Gay male world in that since AIDS came into our lives we're not sure what it means to be Gay in this day and age and yet not have it. Mind you, I'm not trying to become HIV+ and I always, always am safe and do what I can to ensure others are too. I'm just philosophically thinking through how a negative is a positive and how we can begin to embrace being everyday, boring, quiet people without the epidemic, pandemic, disease, world tumult, pain hanging over our heads. And I'm trying to find a philosophy behind a supposed celebration of sorts. And I'm trying to understand how a negative is a positive in this world of ours. Just some thoughts. Yours?