Times when there's an exciting event happening and you don't want to go....

I think I'm getting old. I don't have the energy anymore for marches or rallies or events, even though I know how important they are and how much good change they can do. I'm much more about the quiet changes that one can do such as voting or writing or helping political campaigns or smaller group activities or volunteering or attending conferences or small vigils or other such things... I've never really enjoyed large rallies personally. I did the giant marches on Washington in '92 for Choice and '93 for Gay rights. I protested the Christian Coalition in DC. I've always done the Gay Pride parade every year (although even that's getting boring and overwhelming out here in Gay mecca land). But I'm tired of marching and rallying when I'm just not personally the type of guy who likes to yell or chant or march. I fully support the whole thing and want it to occur. It's just personally not my thing and really never has been.

So everyone's all excited, at least here in the Bay Area, about tomorrow's big march against the war on Iraq. And while I'm excited about it being as huge and loud and vocal and impactful as possible, I dread the thought of going myself-- so many people, so much noise, so many people, so many people, so many people.

Although Chris and Jessie have talked about going, I've been debating and dreading it all week. I just don't want to go. I also have a conflict since I'm going to be doing a volunteer training all afternoon at the Center to do my part for some volunteering, social cause, social justice activity. But I almost feel guilty for not wanting to attend the march tomorrow. I fully support the cause, but I feel bogged down by the whole idea of personally going. Am I being a bad activist? I know the answer is that I'm not and that we all have our own roles to play in these activities, but I still feel a little guilty.