Nothing, still nothing. Again. Just got my latest test results back in the mail this afternoon. Everything is fine. All the tests came back fine. Nothing is wrong. So why do I feel deflated?

It's not that I want to have something. And I'm glad everything comes up negative. And, by the way, I'm feeling MUCH better these days. Definitely, really much better. But there's this part of me that feels like all the pain and suffering and difficulties I've had this summer via this "virus" or whatever is something not real unless it has a name. Almost like I made it up or I've been a hypochondriac. But it was real. The pain was intense and constant. So I know it was real. And the doctors gave me anti-inflammatories and pain medications, so they definitely believed I was suffering. And my hand was swollen. So I wasn't making it all up.

But it just makes me feel stupid for some reason without some named cause for all this. I know, I'm very glad everything has come up fine and all the tests for everything out there were negative. It just feels lonely and dubious and ignorant and indifferent without some kind of substantiated named causation.