Secrets and lies, it's all just secrets and lies.....

I'm naive and gullible. In fact, I've always been so. And I always wanted everything to be good and wonderful and disney-esque. People could fool me all the time because I would always believe people. Why would anyone lie? I'm naive.

I just finished the second book in the "Tales of the City" series. I loved it. But it has me a little down tonight, because the book is really a series of secrets, lies, secrets, mysteries, and more secrets. Everyone is incestuously involved with one another, but they simply don't know it most of the time. Because everyone lives secret lives. We all do. There's so much connectivity and yet there's so much keeping us apart.

I'm probably not making sense. But I guess it's like a internal emotional synapse of mine when it comes to secrets and lies. I always feel like I'm the butt of some joke or to be burned in some way. I always viewed the world so carefree and full of the best of intentions. And then reality hits (guns in your face, extrarelationship-affairs, friends hiding things, lovers keeping secrets, lovers spinning tales, hard dose of realities wounding pride all at once, feeling small and stupid and naive). So many of my early friends hid complete lives from me, as I tried to be as open as possible with them. It hurt me deeply to find out there was a whole world of reality out there. My ex's kept so much from me, only to spin loving tales of crap that now fill my head with faux-historical relevance. And who's to say what I don't know, what any of us don't know, when there's so much out in the real world that's never told and never seen. So much of life is hidden between and among and away from everyone.

I guess it doesn't need to matter. And I'm fine and live my life. But when the secrets and lies and tales and rose-colored lenses break the hearts of the ones we love, who benefits? And when can we begin to trust and believe in anything again...

Break the cycle! Break the cycle! And let truth and openness guide us all.

P.S. And pay no attention to the man behind the curtain and/or my late-night emotional harangues.