i spent my whole morning planning around going to Victor's holiday party today at 3pm, trying to determine whether i would eat lunch in the castro, telling a friend that i couldn't hang out because of the party, trying to get a hold of Jessie and Chris to coordinate plans on going there, and of course the whole hourlong 'what should i wear' episode and the 'why haven't i been working out' and 'all the gay men there will think i'm boring and not pretty enough' and 'none of my clothes fit right' and 'this outfit makes me look fat' and 'why haven't i been working out all this time when i'm a gay man and i need to look pretty' and 'what should i wear again' episodes. (i always end that episode with the 'i have nothing to wear' episode and planning to buy a new wardrobe and wishing i had money to do so and wondering what i would buy and then calming down and realizing that all my clothes aren't complete crap and then i breathe.) anyway, then Jessie writes me a simple email to say that the party is actually tomorrow! oh, good, i was too nervous and anxious and still hadn't figured out what to wear yet anyway. i can procrastinate all that for tomorrow morning. today i can be my normal bum-self again.