depression is incredibly hard to understand. i'm not sure exactly what triggers it in me or what makes it go away for a while. it just enters and exits randomly.

the last two weeks have been hard, but somehow i've managed. and then all of the sudden yesterday i was much better. and i'm not sure what happened to change my outlook exactly.

one day i'm barely able to function and i'm wanting to hide in my house. and the next day i'm gleefully walking down the street listening to fun music on my ipod.

and this is normal life somehow. on days when it hits me hard i feel so dead inside. the depression eats away at my soul. i feel like constantly 'going home,' even when i am at home, and hiding away under the covers.

the last two weeks i was hit with it hard. but somehow this time i managed to leave my house every day and somehow get to work and do some things each day. i wasn't at my best, but i was out there. and as hard as it was, i'm rather proud that this latest episode i managed with more strength than in the past.

depression is a day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute entity. i can never tell how or when it will strike or how or when my mood may drastically change. i'm trying, every minute, trying my best to move forward. and it's really, really hard. and it's also so hard to explain because it's so hard to understand. but this is sort of what my depression is like. and the more i try to understand it's ongoing disease-type qualities, the better i am able to fight them off