so i was so busy leaving town at the beginning of the month that i never posted my recent column or the latest newsletter. well, here they are:

newsletter

column:

"Coming Out Is Family Values"

The buzzwords back in the 80's and 90's were about 'family values.' This was the Republican Religious Right's way of saying that they were for families by being opposed to us Gay folk. Even if we were part of the family. Because to them, valuing the family meant getting rid of the Queers, making us 'straight,' denying our existence, and shaming us out of their lives. And then, from a distance, they could talk about how they were against us, rather than we were already part of them.

We have not only taken the word Queer back from the hateful use of its history, but we're now taking the words 'family values' back too. Since we have been coming out more and more over the decades, we have been making safer spaces for others to come out more and more, which makes it even more safe space for others to do so and on and on. And within these safe spaces, our families are coming out too. As allies. Like never before.

Witness the conservative Republican mayor of San Diego and his speech in favor of marriage equality. Because of his daughter. Because she is openly Lesbian. Because he loves her and values his family. Had this been 20 years ago, would he have even acknowledged her, let alone valued her and her human sexuality? Or would he have hidden her? Or shamed her? Or sent her to get saved? Or also possible, would she have even had the courage to come out in a space that wasn't safe to do so?

We have made these spaces safe for our fellow Queers and our families by coming out and speaking truth about our lives.

Witness my family. Had I never come out, would they even talk about or discuss issues of Gay life? Would they have ever started feeling comfortable in speaking about Gay issues with others in their family and social and church networks?

Witness your own community. Had we not continued on ongoing fight for our right to be who we are, and live our lives openly and justly, would our cities or states have ever enacted non-discrimination ordinances or hate crimes legislation or domestic partnership rights or even full marriage equality?

And witness our own lives. Had we not come out and lived our own lives, would we have the growing families of our own that we have now? Witness the numerous Queer couples who are having and/or raising children. Who are going to their family reunions. As they are. With their partners. And less and less people are batting an eye. And more and more people are feeling safer to be open. Even if it's just to be open to support equality.

Coming out of the closet is family values. We are valuing our family when we let them in to who we are as part of the family. They are valuing us when they hear us, accept us, and let us live openly as we are. And we are all valuing the family when we live together as one.