Went to the gym yesterday for the first time this year, and I must say that I was none too pleased with the newfound gifts I received over Christmas.

There's obviously a mad distinction between reality and real reality, because I could have sworn, until yesterday, that I'd been losing weight and gaining ground. I'd felt lighter. I thought lighter. Isn't that real?

The mind plays cruel, cruel jokes.

So now I think I should start one of those time-tested weight loss programs where I refuse to eat until some political action is taken by the federal government-- you know, a hunger strike. Now to come up with a strike in which the government would never acquiesce to my action, thereby allowing me to lose more weight. Hmmm..... I know: I won't eat again until Gore is rightfully installed as President. That will never happen. I'll soon be thin again!