GAY LIFE

I was a bit harsh on Pride the other day. I've been feeling a bit guilty ever since I wrote that piece about being bored with Pride. That's not fair. Granted, I'm older and done it every year for the last 13 and being here in San Francisco where everyday I can walk around being openly Gay makes my feelings on it different. San Francisco is the biggest Pride in the world and is great fun for all the people who come from out of town for it, but for me it's just a wild crazy party that I feel sucked into. (My rockin' sister would LOVE it, but I've never really been the party type.)

Anyway, I know the power of Pride. I know how important it is by it's just being there. Not only for those who are there for it, but also for those who can't be there, who hear about it throughout San Francisco and the Bay Area and also who hear about it in little towns across the country. Because hearing about it and seeing it and knowing it exists makes it something to not be feared and that there is a place where it's ok to be Gay and where life is different and maybe possible for others to dream.

Pride is also of such monumental importance to smaller cities and towns where being in the parade or at the festival is a radical statement, a step out the door of the closet for many, a place for Gay people to be outdoors and not just locked away inside their homes or inside the bars because there is no outside community for fear of hate. I remember marching my first Prides in Kansas City and feeling this strong sense of pride and happiness in showing the world that I wasn't afraid anymore. I also remember looking around at the crowd and wondering who was seeing me and knowing I was Gay. It's a striking feeling. I was young and it was all so new. And in Kansas City, well, it wasn't San Francisco. Pride is also important for the larger community of those small towns and cities because it becomes a known entity; the city/town has to acknowledge that this event happened; it's on the news; it becomes a dinner table conversation even if it isn't a positive conversation; it is out there for the world. And that is the power of showing our presence.

There was a time when Gay people showing themselves for the world to see was an insane idea. In fact, insane is an appropriate term because Gay people were often thrown into insane asylums or the jails. So going out and being public about being Gay was social suicide. Prides began after We began to say enough is enough. The Stonewall Riots in 1969 began a new phase for everything. And Prides grew out of the initial, annual vigils to commemorate the event. They became a statement of being and of not-turning-back. And that's powerful.

I also know the power of Pride for the young and the newly Gay or the newly thinking about it or the newly thinking they might be able to come out someday. Pride means so much to them. I remember when I volunteered at the youth center in DC (SMYAL) and every year Pride was such a giant occasion for the youth with so many conversations and planning and making-the-float and some wondering whether they would have the strength to go to it for fear of being Out or outed or seen or hatred. Pride was so important to them. And it was important to me in that I wanted Pride to be wonderful for them. Just as Pride was so important to me when I was young and newly Out.

So, while I still feel personally bored with today's giant San Francisco version of Pride, I recognize the importance and power of Pride throughout the world, and even here in San Francisco. I met a young, newly coming Out youth at Pride on Sunday and I could tell how much it meant to him to be there. And that's why it's so important. And that's why Pride should continue every year.

My earlier rant about Pride was more like my often rants about the government. It's not that I hate my government or democracy or Pride. It's that I want them to be the best that they can be and so I notice and highlight the problems and wrong directions and mistakes. But it's not done in a hateful way, but in a way to prod them in a direction which can bear more wonderful fruit. (Fruit, how gay, ha.) So, while I bemoan Pride sometimes, I know why it's there; I recognize its power and strength and importance; and so here's to Pride and may it always be as wonderful as that very first one you ever attended.