Thanks to Sparky, I read this post from another blogger who has been suffering from some unknown thing and finally found out a diagnosis. I totally relate to his issues about feeling like no one is paying attention medically and that there's nothing real since there's no diagnosis that conforms to some regular thing out there.

This whole episode in my summer reminds me of a Golden Girls episode. Dorothy has been feeling tired and listless for months and has gone to several doctors who all tell her the same thing: nothing's physically wrong with her, all the tests are fine, and she should just get more rest. She keeps saying over and over that something is wrong with her physically and feels like she's just being placated by the docs. Finally, nearly having given up, she sees one more doctor who confirms her feelings by telling her that she has a newly understood, rare disease. She's elated just to know it is something. Just to know. Just to be acknowledged and understood and it has a name. A name. And she can now begin to piece together, with her doctor, a way to cure/fix the disease. At the end of the episode they all went out to dinner to celebrate having found a name for her issue. It was real and finally acknowledged.

I guess I'm at the place before the last doctor where I just feel like giving up and acquiescing to the statements and tests that say everything is fine and I should just be happy it doesn't have a name. (My rheumotologist said it would be good if it doesn't have a name since a name would mean it was something major...., as if not having a name was nothing.) Fine, I don't have a name, and maybe it's going away, and maybe it'll be over soon, and maybe I should be happy. Well, yeah, I'm happy I'm feeling better and I'm happy that it's not syphyllis, mono, arthritis, spru, collitis, and/or whatnot and whatever. But it stills feels less than thrilling to feel all alone with "something"/ "virus"/ "noname"/ "inmyhead"/ "notreal"/ etc. and nothing but nothing to acknowledge the I'm-not-feeling-well-something's-wrong-not-healthy-it's-not-just-in-my-head-the-pain-is-real situation. And so it goes....

Thanks again Sparky and Brian for your words.