why does technology hate me?

examples from the war between technology and me:

1) i buy DSL and my computer runs SLOWER than before
2) my computer makes that terrible gurgling noise now
3) supposedly i need more RAM or a new computer or something, but why? why me?
4) i have two broken laptops sitting near my door waiting to be taken to the dump
5) one of those laptops only broke down because 'i touched it'
6) i have two PDA's that i could never get to work
7) these two PDA's are now gathering dust on my floor
8) my cellphone is constantly on the blink, with a battery that only lasts a few calls
9) email is sent to me or by me, but never arrives to its destination
10) my combo fax/printer/copier/scanner is in reality only a printer that can barely do that

again, why does technology hate me? is it something i did? i know it likes my money and wants more of it, but is there a way to wave the white flag, surrender, and/or apologize to it?
technology: what can i do to make things right between us? i can't live without you and i want to make this relationship work. i really do. i lo-lo-lo-love you.
ok, i'll admit, that didn't sound sincere, and maybe technology hates me because i don't appreciate and love it enough. tis true. but i want to love technology. and yet it hates me so.

any ideas on how to make a healthy union between me and technology? chocolates perhaps?