back in 1999 when i prepared to move across the country, one of my closest DC friends, Martin, my fam, gave me two teddie bears as a going-away present. i named them 'marteen' and 'marteena' after him. upon renting the truck and heading out west, i placed the two of them in the front window sill so they could guide me and my fam corby across the country. they stayed perched there for over a week.

for the first several weeks/months after i got here to san francisco i held them in my arms as i slept, as a reminder of my fam, my family, my past and present, and the hopes and dreams i followed and harkened in moving here.

ever since settling into my apartment i've had them on my couch watching over everything and keeping me company. martin says hi to them whenever he visits. and whenever i feel lonely or worried or anxious or depressed, i take them off the couch and i hold them. and on those really difficult nights of worry, i take them to bed with me to keep me close to my close ones and remind myself of the fact that i'm still on this long journey of hope and magic and dreams and i am not alone

and this week, as i've once again struggled with depressive episodes, they've been there with me all the way