today's national coming out day. it's not just about me and other gay people 'coming out' and telling our stories. it's also about everyone 'coming out' and talking about the issue with their friends and family and coworkers and everyone. it's about our friends and families and everyone sharing their stories of learning about and loving someone gay. it's not an easy thing to do, and while it's wrapped up in a seemingly simple declaration around the date of october 11th, there's a real underlying force there. once you're able to 'come out' in whatever capacity you are, everything changes for the better in the long run. but it can be one of the hardest decisions ever made. for gay people and for their loved ones and for the community at large.

all that said, i'd like to tell a short story about my first national coming out day. back in 1990, i had come out in march of that year at age 19. by october 11th of that year, i had already formed the umkc gay and lesbian student alliance on my campus and we had become a new popular group among the lgbt students and faculty. we had some difficulties of course, mostly through our own young voices becoming comfortable with coming out and sharing our stories on a campus that was new to hearing them and a city that was new to the issue.

our group decided to make a big splash around the national coming out day by creating what we called 'coming out week' and we created a series of events that week (which i think culminated around the 11th being on a friday, but i could be wrong). we had a panel discussion, we had movie nights, we even had a band play on campus with our logo behind them. i started calling the whole week 'cow'-- i.e. 'coming out week' and for weeks prior to the week i had plastered my own handmade copies of these flyers all over campus with a stick-figured drawing of a guy saying 'cow is coming'. some members of my group thought it was the stupidest thing ever. maybe it was. but it cracked me up everytime i hung one up. 'cow is coming!' still cracks me up.

but i digress. by the friday of that week, we had a 'wear jeans if you're gay day' on campus. which was really successful. all these students around campus were talking about wearing jeans and what it meant, because everyone wears jeans. we even heard about some guys who were so scared that they didn't wear jeans that day just to show that they weren't gay. the dialogue was there nonetheless.

on that friday, there were some chalk writings on various sidewalks on campus that said 'gays go away' and other such things that were meant as a threat against us for speaking out and being so vocal. to me, it meant that we had opened the dialogue and we were speaking truth to power. some of my friends started to get worried for our safety. the campus faculty started worrying about us too. i initially laughed it all off and went into the faculty office where there was an employee named 'Gaye' and joked with her that she was being told to leave. but then later that day, as i was walking to my car off campus, i started to get nervous and felt the power of threats. nothing ever happened to me physically, but my home answering machine at my parents house did receive some rather nasty phone messages.

anyway, that was my first cow- coming out week- and ever since then i harken back to that time and think of how things have changed for me, for my campus, for my family, for my community, and the national dialogue on our issues. change really can happen through just being vocal about yourself and your beliefs. it's important to be that voice. so today, on national coming out day, think about being the voice for change in your own way and talk to someone about the issues, yourself and your loved ones, and your own beliefs. it can change the world.