I recently watched the movie Pedro about the story of Pedro Zamora who starred on mtv's the real world from its third season. this reality show was set in San Francisco in 1994. I remember my friends backat that time watching it religiously while I never had cable so just lived vicariously thru their stories. everyone was in love with Pedro, as was I, simply from hearing about his story. he was my age, he was a gay activist and he was also HIV positive and as such became a face for the public for kids my age who could see a real person livig thru his struggle. I've often thought about Pedro over the years and what might have become of him had he not passed away. watching the movie had me reflect on several issues: 1) seeing San Francisco in the early 90s, 2) feeling my young 20s coming back to me in living in that time and being a newly open gay man and activist, 3) realizing his full story which was simply amazing and so so human, and 4) realizing just how lucky I am to be alive-- at one point in the movie he is finding out he is HIV positive at age 19 and he is telling someone how he wants to be old like people who are 40. 40. wow, ok, I stop watching for several minutes and think about that. here I am nearly 39, wondering about issues of turning 40 and here's this 19yo kid who only made it to 22 and wanted to get to 40 and wanted to live and here I am wondering what to do about turning 40 and living day to day, and it hits me how lucky I am to be alive and how happy I can be living in this day to day world while I'm still here. the movie had a powerful effect on me and I cried numerous times which is rather remarkable since I never cry. it hit me personally more than I realized it could