SURPRISED, AND YET, UNSURPRISED

So I am feeling better. As I posted before, it's pretty amazing. Ever since last weekend I feel like it's a whole new world. I mean, I still feel the depression inside me and it's still a fight, but it's so much easier to fight and live and think and get motivated and be interested in life. I can't tell you how different it is feeling better; I haven't felt this good since last year sometime. I mean, I'm happy and excited and interested in life again. I want to get out and do things again. What a difference. I'm just a little nervous that this is temporary and I'll be thrown back into the abyss again shortly. But let's hope for the best.

So, I went to a doctor to manage my medication yesterday and he said what I've been kinda thinking all along: that the depression during this year may have been a side-effect of my ending medication late last year once I had gotten beyond the OCD. He said that having had the medication in my system for four years and then being completely cleansed of it by December, that starting January my brain may have started to have a reaction to being without the medication and that made me very susceptible to depressive thoughts and concerns and easily led me into a depression. All makes sense to me and exactly things I kinda wondered about.

So, as you know, I started back up on the meds in June. Now, in August I can tell they're really working. He said that I could possibly think about trying to get off of them next year but for now it looks like what I'm taking is going well. Right now I have no interest in getting off of them because I know that I need them, but it's nice to think that there may be a time I could move away from them again. But then, realistically, I could need to be on some small dose for the long haul. That's disheartening, and yet not surprising to me anymore.