i haven't written much since i returned...

i've had a lot to say...

but life has been kinda loopy/crazy/mellow/intense calm since i returned

in a good way

but kinda trying to get my footing again

you know how sometimes when you go to an amusement park and spend the day riding rollercoasters....

and then you go to sleep at night, but the whole time before sleep is filled with the feeling that your body is still moving

and you mind is racing and reacting and a little dizzy

i've felt a little like that since my return

partly from being on a train for 24 hours straight, but more so from a week away, without connection to daily life, trying to figure out life/work/home and what is it i do everyday

in a good way, but still a little topsy turvy

yesterday, i was walking to work and i was in such a high from the relaxation of my trip that i couldn't focus on where i was going

i bought a flower at a flower stand

it was pretty, that's all

i put it in the pocket of my bag

a big red daisy, with a little green leaf behind, in front of my black bag

for all to see

it was random and strange and beautiful and i kept talking about it

someone at work tried to talk to me about work and i would look at the flower and tell them about my flower and they would smile and think i was loopy

and i was

and am

that's how i've been since returning...

in a daze so to speak

and so much has also been happening at work(s) and i've been dazed and numb to it in a sense

tonight my friends invited me to see spiderman2 and i had a blast with them and watching the movie

the movie made me think of my own doublelife, my own inner dichotomies

but more importantly, my vacation made me feel relaxed in a way i haven't felt in a long time

and that part of me is in there somewhere, inside me, and can be beautiful, like the flower, if i take the time to notice it and nurture it......