i've always been a huge admirer of Coretta Scott King. she was an amazing woman, a tireless activist for peace and respect of all peoples, and a true stateswoman. she was even beside our LGBT side throughout the years, even before it was politically expedient for liberals to do so. she was just terrific and we lost a good one today.

i know i know, i haven't been around. miss me?

what with illness and exhaustion and sleeping whole days and missing work and planning activities and fixing life, who can keep up

anyway, finally back

new column

"I Came, I Saw, I Swooned"

I just got so excited that I accidentally came too early. I mean, what gay man wouldn’t get excited about being so up close and personal with Alex and Jarrod and so many other hot young military boys? It’s enough to make one lose control of their faculties. Usually I’m more on top of my game than that, but things just got out of my hands that night.

So as I was saying, I came too early. It happens. Every once in a while, we men get a little too excited and can’t control ourselves. As it happens, I came a whole week before it was time. I showed up at Jim and Andrew’s home for an event featuring gay army veterans all dressed up and ready to swoon. And while Jim and Andrew were sweet to me that night, I still had that terribly embarrassing moment of realization when I was told by the men I was with that it was just too soon. Oh my, what’s a gay boy to do?

Finally, the next week came, and so did I, once again. Even though ill with the flu I still made time to visit with Jim and Andrew and meet these young military boys. And Alex and Jarrod did not disappoint! I may not have had the stamina I hoped, but I wasn’t going to miss the opportunity. These military guys are doing an amazing thing. They are about to hit the road around the country putting a face on the discriminatory nature of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’ And they’ll be doing it in the most red of red-state areas looking to speak with conservatives who care about the military and its effectiveness and see how the discrimination hurts the military itself. And that these guys are just as good, or better, than any other recruits.

Now, I must admit, I’m not that familiar with the military. I don’t pretend to understand the ins and outs of it or its rules or what it means for us as a society. And I personally am quite glad I’ve never had to be personally involved in a war. I’m a writer; not a fighter. I can’t imagine myself holding a weapon. I just can’t ever fathom doing something like that. But I know that others have fought and died for my liberty and so I greatly appreciate that. I know that my father and my grandfather and probably many others in my family have served in wars and I admire them for that. And I know that liberty isn’t as free as we may want to pretend.

I also know discrimination when I see it. And while I don’t understand the military world, I do understand how terrible the discrimination against our LGBT brethren has been, and continues to be. So I am happy to support and promote these brave young soldiers as they make their trip around the country. I hope you will too. Go to www.calltodutytour.org to meet and support them.

But then, every macho Hollywood star is straight--or must pretend to be. "The film says it's terrible that you couldn't be openly gay as a sheepherder in Montana in the '60s, but you can't be openly gay as a successful young actor in Hollywood in 2006..."

Why bother making art if it's lifeless?

same could be said for everything, including life itself. the tricky part is making your own individual determination of what constitutes life-full for you. but that seems to be answer to all the questions and the point of it all

i was telling Jessie tonight about this strident call to fellow pedestrians, and here's some excerpts:

Many of us are tired of being treated like second-class citizens simply because we walk and don’t drive. Being a pedestrian isn’t even a choice. Being a pedestrian means being human. We were walking for millions of years before the automobile was invented; therefore, driving is the choice. It isn’t even an inalienable right – it’s a privilege that needs to be treated as such. And I’m tired of drivers who get to their destination much faster than I do growing inpatient with me, encroaching on my personal space because I’m apparently walking too slowly for them in the crosswalk when I have the right of way.

Such motorists are guilty of brandishing a lethal weapon that kills thousands of pedestrians in the United States annually... The most disturbing thing is many motorists who strike pedestrians will likely get off scot-free; they’re just considered one of the victims in these unfortunate “accidents.” Simply tell the police that the sun was in your eyes, or that the rain or the San Francisco fog made visibility difficult...

As pedestrians and concerned residents we have a duty to tell drivers who rush us as we cross streets to be patient. It’s our duty to let our friends and family members know when we are passengers in their cars that it is not OK to be rude to and impatient with pedestrians because such behavior is dangerous, potentially deadly. Motorists must respect crosswalks and pedestrian rights at every intersection regardless of whether they're painted or not...

...near my house, at the intersection of Hayes and Gough and also at Gough and Fell there are barricades that read, “NO PED CROSSING,” requiring pedestrians to go out of our way and cross the intersection three times, tripling our encounters with motorists, simply to get across the street. Pedestrians are second-class citizens at these car-centric intersections, merely an interruption in the flow of traffic, and I’m going to do my best to work towards allowing pedestrians to cross at all four corners. Please join me in this battle because one voice is less likely to be heard than a bunch of fed up voices. Make pedestrian advocacy your New Year’s resolution.

saw one of the best movies of my life last night: the new world. it's not a conventional film and hard to explain, but it's gorgeous and heartbreaking and overwhelming and beautiful. i nearly lost it during a scene of war, and the way that episode was filmed was just so imaginative and epic. the romance scenes are done so differently than anything ever filmed before.

i'd love to watch the extended version and just be swept up in it for about 3 hours or so. the movie also, once again, confirms that i'm in love with colin farrell

as you know, i coordinate my boss's quarterly e-newsletter. the latest one is now up

everything is changing in life

and when everything changes, there is room for the new to begin

watch for the new

so much to think about

Bush's warrantless surveillance program "a threat to the very structure of our government... What we do know about this pervasive wiretapping virtually compels the conclusion that [bush] has been breaking the law repeatedly and persistently.-- President Al Gore

and now my brother too. it's going to be a wild family weekend for sure. everybody, c'mon down!

and now my mom's coming this same weekend too!

my niece is coming!!! my niece is coming!!!

this time it'll be perfectly situated around the weekend in february when the san francisco chinese new year parade and festivities will occur. that will be a fun and educational cultural experience for her to enjoy. i'm already finding lots of fun activities for kids on the chinese new year parade website under 'students and teachers' section. so we'll have much to do, and learn, that weekend with the parade and other stuff. plus it turns out i'm a dog! it's the year of the dog on the chinese calendar and turns out i'm a dog by birth and so it's my year to be special, head the parade, receive special gifts and flowers, and receive lots of money. so anyone listening should go to my wish list right now and help me celebrate appropriately. do it now or else i'll bite. :-)

a year ago this weekend she was here and we had a great time going to this rubik's cube tournament at the exploratorium. unfortunately i'm going to have to miss this year's but anyone in the city should take the time to see these people do the rubik's cube in 15 seconds. it's pretty amazing.

the saddest story ever

These young consumers so consistently reach for debit and credit cards that Visa USA has anointed the age group "Generation Plastic," or "Gen P."

Sen. Gil Cedillo, the Los Angeles Democrat who has sought unsuccessfully to get Schwarzenegger to sign bills granting driver's licenses to undocumented immigrants, said he found the governor's illegal motorcycle rides "ironic."

"I would think that that circumstance would not only compel him to comply with the law, but to think about the importance of highway safety and security and transfer that experience to the two and a half million (undocumented) people who are driving unlicensed and uninsured," Cedillo said.

The governor has twice vetoed bills by Cedillo that would give undocumented immigrants the right to obtain a California driver's license. Cedillo filed a new bill Tuesday seeking that right.

(photo by bill wilson)

my club on monday had a pretty big-deal meeting. you can see a mixture of our new and old board members in the picture above (i'm in the green shirt in the bottom middle). i know the picture's kinda small, but if you click on the picture it will show up larger in another screen. i wrote up a press release about the event that was sent out and i'm pasting it here below which will explain everything.

Alice B. Toklas Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Democratic Club
Press Release
January 9, 2006
http://www.alicebtoklas.org

On Monday, January 9th, 2006 the Alice B. Toklas Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Democratic Club had a packed house of over 70 members and friends to shore in the new year and vote in a new Co-Chair and Board of Directors.

Co-Chair Scott Wiener welcomed in his new Co-Chair Rebecca Prozan who will be taking the torch from now-former-Co-Chair Laura Spanjian who has served in this role for the last two years. The gender-parity-based Co-Chair system is staggered annually to elect one new leader, while one continues to serve for an additional year.

Wiener noted, “The 2006 Alice B. Toklas board is a very strong one, both in terms of skill sets and diversity. We have a great group of returning members plus new members with impressive backgrounds in activism, politics, and community work. The Alice Board will also increase its diversity significantly, with one third of the board women and one third people of color. While we are not 100% where we need to be in terms of board diversity, we are moving in the right direction and making significant strides in ensuring that our club is representative of the LGBT community.”

This will be an important year in the history of the Club and the state. California will possibly see an anti-marriage equality ballot initiative this November. Additionally, statewide ballot contests—including a gubernatorial election featuring the incumbent who vetoed marriage equality legislation last year—will be front and center.

“The strength and diversity of the 2006 Alice B. Toklas LGBT Democratic Club will help prepare us as a community to defeat anti-LGBT initiatives, support pro-LGBT candidates and campaigns, and elect a new Democratic governor who will not veto our equal rights,” stated Wiener and Prozan...
and then the press release listed the full new board.
it's a pretty great group to be a part of and i'm heartened that they feel i am useful to the group in some way.

as some of my long-time regular readers may remember, i used to post regular updates that i would receive from my dear friend Leslie, that great Woman of the World, who went off to join the Peace Corps and was stationed in Jordan and then later Kenya. Well, I haven't posted in a long while since she's now back in the states.

But, wonder of wonders, I have another great friend, fam really, from my second family who is now setting forth to join the Peace Corps this year. Ariana, another great Woman of the World, will be stationed in Ecuador. And did I mention that she's a specialist in frogs?! I've mentioned her once or twice before while she was studying frog species in Michigan and around the states. Now she'll be doing so in Ecuador, along with all the other amazing flora and fauna there. And so, as you may have inferred from this long set-up, Ariana has agreed to write regular posts from her station in Ecuador to me and my dear readers so that we may have a sense of her exciting adventures. She doesn't take off until next month, but here's her first email in making preparations:

Hello beloved family and friends,

Sorry for the mass email, but I just wanted to send a quick update and my new contact information. I am moving to Ecuador in 8 weeks to serve as a Peace Corps volunteer in the natural resources program. My title will be forestry extension and I will leave on February 6, 2006, and return April 2008. I am really excited about this; in addition to just amazing scenery, Ecuador ranks 3rd in the world in terms of amphibian diversity, with 447 different species! Think about all those frogs. . . I only had to learn 13 species of frogs and toads here in Michigan.

Everyone is welcome to come visit me, and we can go to the Amazon, or the Galapagos, or the Andes. Already 15 people have said they are definitely going to visit. I can't have any visitors the first 6 months and last month that I am there, but after that anyone can come! Any time after August 8, 2006 and before March 20, 2008. I figure I can't get too lonely down there if I have a steady stream of visitors =)

My friend Lindsay did the Peace Corps in Ecuador, and she said it is the "ClubMed" of the Peace Corps =) Sounds good to me! While I am nervous about learning the language and dealing with culture shock, my friend Jose says that after I get a tan, I will blend right in and everyone will believe I am Ecuadorean.

I don't know how frequently I will be able to check my email when I am in Ecuador, so I think I am just going to have to send mass emails. Let me know if you want to get those emails. If I don't hear from you, I will assume you do not want to hear about my exciting adventures discovering new species of caecilians or embarrassing myself in front of my host family...

I am not sure yet where I will be stationed in Ecuador, but I will be in Quito for the 1st 3 months.... Okay, sorry this message is so long! Happy Holidays =)

Abrazos,
Ariana

as usual, the best and most real commentary in the papers is in the letters to the editor:
Editor -- ...Bush says that it is "shameful" that word was leaked to the public about his domestic-spying program. What is really shameful is that Bush is still in the White House and not under impeachment. All precedent, law, common sense and common decency demand that Bush be held accountable for breaking his oath of office. He cannot pledge before God to "preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States" and then refer to it as a "scrap of paper" that has no application to him. If the chief executive, whose primary responsibility is enforcement of the law, defies the law with impunity, we become a lawless society. If Congress does not vote to impeach Bush, this nation is in danger of becoming a grotesque parody of democracy.-- ART ROGERS, Martinez

hilarious: Like all Pop Culture columns on break-dancing, this story begins with "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo," arguably the greatest movie ever made. (Did "Citizen Kane" include a scene during which hot nurses use the power of hip-hop dancing to resuscitate a flat-lined heart patient? No? Then it will never climb higher than No. 2.)
and i so now want to watch this movie!

READ THIS COMMENTARY. you must read this commentary. so moving and perfect and exactly true. and it touches on so many things in life. actually the commentary has very little to do about the movie itself, and more about life in general. here, read for yourself the full thing:

Thoughts on Brokeback Mountain By Tom Moon, MFT
Published: December 29, 2005

This film takes us back to the basics.

The dual themes are huge and simple: love and the terror of it. A sprout of love that is playful, tender, rough and hot struggles to thrive in terrain that is bleak, forbidding, silent and cold. Along the way we see the terrible destructiveness of homophobia—not just on Ennis and Jack, but on their wives, their children, and almost everyone else in their lives. We see how homophobia harms everyone, and why we’ll all benefit when our culture finally outgrows its childish terror of same-sex love.

The film also accurately shows what being “in the closet” really means. It rarely means—as so many of us delude ourselves into believing—that “nobody knows.” As often as not, what it really means is that everyone knows, but no one speaks. Ennis’s wife knows for years that her husband is sexually involved with Jack, but only long after their divorce is she able to say so, and then only as an ugly accusation which forecloses on any understanding or real communication. Jack’s father knows who Jack’s “friend” really is, but can only glower in silent contempt at Ennis. And Ennis, even when he’s completely alone, can only say “Jack, I swear—“ Even in solitude, he can’t bring himself to say aloud “I love you.” The silence in this film is deafening.

Like every other gay man I’ve ever met, I’ve known the immense destructive power of homophobia up close and personal in my own life. But as I watched this story, I felt gratitude for my own good fortune to have grown up in an environment much more gay friendly than the world of Ennis and Jack. When I was a young man struggling with my own internalized homophobia, there were friends, teachers, family members, and counselors who all stepped forward to encourage me to be who I am, and who demonstrated that they loved and supported me in my efforts to come to terms with myself. I don’t know how I would have survived without them. Neither Ennis nor Jack ever hear a single kind or respectful word about their most tender, most cherished feelings. Love is powerful, but unless our feelings are reflected back to us in the love and respect of others, it’s all but impossible to embrace them ourselves. No one overcomes the cancer of homophobia in isolation, and we have a collective responsibility to see that no one has to try.

Every culture places restrictions on what kinds of people we’re permitted to love—no one from that clan, in that class, of that race—of that sex. Romeo and Juliet stories are a perennially popular genre because there is something anarchic about love. It regularly breaks the rules, goes where it isn’t supposed to, and crosses every barrier we try to erect against it. Stories of star-crossed lovers speak of the tragedy of the human condition. They remind us that, as a species, we’re most afraid of what we most need. But there is something in these stories to celebrate, too. They speak of the courage and dignity of the human spirit, because human love struggles to fulfill itself everywhere, no matter how daunting the obstacles.

Finally, the film reminded me of what I am about, and what all of us are about. It is false and demeaning to describe our deepest feelings as a “sexual orientation.” The phrase “sexual/affectional orientation” is a little better, but still too clinical. Simply put, what we’re about is love. When we refer to ourselves as ‘gay’ or ‘queer’ we’re talking about where our love wants to go.

This thought answered the question that the film left me asking. “What can I do?” I felt an urgency to do something to alleviate the overwhelming suffering that it portrays. But what? I can write, I can contribute money, I can vote and campaign. But I already do these things, and nothing I can do today can undo what homophobia has done to the lives of millions down the centuries. Brokeback Mountain reminded me to get back to the basics, to remember that the most helpful thing I can do is live from the truth of what I’m about.

There’s a place in everyone’s heart that no hatred, no shame, and no fear, have ever touched. Anyone who has loved for even a moment has been in that place, and it isn’t until we have been there that we can fully comprehend the poignancy, the joy, the tragedy, and the dignity, of our shared condition as human beings. What I can do is make that place my home by doing all in my power to live every moment of my life in loyalty to what I’ve learned there. What I can do is live with pride and dignity and gratitude the one and only life that is in me to live. What I can do is love.

Tom Moon is a psychotherapist in San Francisco.

wonderful Missouri news: In the Missouri Senate race, Democrat Claire McCaskill leads Republican Jim Talent by three percentage points.

my new column:

'Permanence in Blue'

I have a blue frog tattooed on my right shoulder. It is my first and, so far, only tattoo. I got this tattoo in early 2005, shoring in a new period in my life. For me, it symbolized that I knew more of who I was and what I wanted in my life. It signaled permanence in self-identification and a marking for the future.

As Democrats, we had a year in 2005 of finding ourselves too. After the great disappointment of the 2004 presidential 'election' and the beginning of the second Bush Administration, we wandered and wondered and seemed to be at a loss for what do to next. For a brief time at the beginning of the year, we seemed incredibly lost.

Then something remarkable happened. We began to take shape. We quit wallowing in our own misery and began to fight back anew. While still disappointed about the past, we were energized about the future. And we knew we had nothing to lose with going full throttle ahead.

Nationally, under the strident leadership of our very own Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi, and our new DNC Chairman Howard Dean, we took the Republicans head-on and fought against their disastrous proposals and ugly tactics. The year of 2005 ended with their signature piece of legislation (the destruction of Social Security) end the trashcan, the Bush Administration in the doldrums, and many of their leaders in jail.

Stateside, our Democratic leaders took on the incredibly-popular Arnold. This was dangerous at the time, but we hit and kept hitting and shaped our own political winds, and by the time the year was over, we had a knock-out punch in the form of his 'special election' going down to defeat and his poll numbers in the doldrums.

For us in the LGBT community, we did much the same. We turned a variety of state ballot initiative defeats around the country on marriage equality on its head. After the stinging loss in 2004, we could have buried the issue, as we were told to do by many of our own and many of our 'friends.' But under the courageous leadership of our very own Assemblyman Mark Leno and Speaker Fabian Nunez, we marched forward. We took the issue of marriage equality from a perspective of defeat and bad-poll-numbers, to a situation where Arnold was having to defend himself for vetoing our bill. And the poll numbers were moving more and more in our favor!

Yes, 2005 was a year of finding ourselves and staking out our core values. And 2006 will be a new year full of continuing that drive, leading by example and on principle, and remembering who we are at all times. Much like a tattoo, we have permanently defined who we are. And as we head to the elections of 2006, the voters will know what being a true-Blue-Democrat means and why a Blue state is a state of the future. As we fight for a Blue 2006 throughout the nation, let our self-awareness and permanent intrinsic values lead us forward.

new newsletter's up with my new column

Maine's new civil rights law quietly took effect last Wednesday... The only thing remarkable about this law is that it too so long to come about.

third time was finally the charm

What we were trying to do was work on two levels. Beneath the surface there's a little bit of a social comment, a populist point of view about poor people during the Depression, particularly the farmers who left their farms in Oklahoma, Texas and Kansas and came to California. But on the surface it's an action comedy with nudity.
as long as we're clear...

the best way to fight off a cold is by staying at home during a winter rainstorm, watching tv series from the 1980's, and eating grandma's soup straight from home...

so i spent new year's eve fighting off this cold i got, while watching some of the dvd's i got for christmas. it was a dvd christmas with the likes of various 1980's television series filling up my stocking-- including 'moonlighting,' 'remington steele,' and 'murder, she wrote' and more-- and i spent most of the weekend reliving my childhood of/by watching television. i also have vegetable soup and banana nut bread from my grandma in my freezer so i've got provisions to last me a week. with entire first seasons of tv shows, movies, and frozen food (also mom's chili!) i don't need to go anywhere for a while...