Monday, June 30, 2003

The long and short of it is that there are two kinds of shorts -- tourist shorts and local shorts. Local shorts look as if they've been stuffed in the bottom of a drawer for a year ...
Tourist shorts are pressed, neat and accessorized with rolls of fat over the waistband.

She was given a second Oscar for her performance in "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner," probably because many in the Academy expected it would be her swan song. But she fooled them, and they had to give her yet another Oscar the following year for "The Lion in Winter," not out of sentiment, but because she deserved it.
Granted, I haven't seen all of her movies and so I'm biased when I say this, but her performance in The Lion in Winter was my favorite of hers and of many movies. She was so amazing in that movie. And it's a thrilling movie too.

So they had a grocery store special today on my very own personal nectar where it was "buy one, get one free" and so I loaded up my cart with 12 big bottles. That'll probably only last me a few days though. I drink it like I breathe air. At least it's good for me.

Bush's Scorecard of Evil. It would be very funny if it wasn't so sad. I love the rating system of
"evil"
"very evil"
"very, very evil"
"very, very, very evil"
and finally
"very, very, very, very evil"
(Thanks Nathan and Victor for the link)

Slowly, David, things are changing. The fact that many people blindly and naively believe that We have more rights than We do harbors hope that We eventually will have them someday and that those who would block Our equal rights are really stuck in a distant past. That's the Change that We've inspired and that will ultimately move Us forward.

The Quiet Times

Tonight I happened to walk through the downtown area that was Pride earlier in the day. It was several hours after everyone had gone. It was dark. The only ones left were the public workspeople and others who were busily cleaning the streets, running the street-sweepers, hoisting the portapotties onto large trucks, and taking down the large stages and equipment. It was eerily quiet, mostly because it's easy to remember that in this same space, within these same streets, just a few short hours before, millions of people were filling the area with noise and laughter and happiness and jealousy and lust and love and hope. Families, friends, lovers, tricks, nameless faces, children, mothers, fathers, and long lost loves enveloped this area so recently.

And now, the quiet cleanup and the sudden realization that tomorrow is coming.

Tonight I happened to walk by the remains of a theater on Polk Street. I never actually saw the theater while it was open, as it had closed its doors for the final time just before I moved into the area. A few weeks ago construction workers began to demolish the old building with a wrecking ball and some bulldozers. I had the opportunity to stand along the street once and witness the wrecking ball swinging into action. It was as if all the onlookers were kids again wanting to be the one hoisting the wrecking ball high in the air so it could come crashing down onto the tattered building and smash it to pieces some more. Weeks later, they're still in destruction mode. Tonight, late at night, when all was quiet, I peered through the wire fence and began to recognize sections of what was a theater. Some of the balcony was still there, albeit totalled. I thought of all the crowds of moviegoers from days past who would sit up there and laugh and cry and hold hands and tremble and scream and hope. Families, friends, lovers, tricks, nameless faces, children, mothers, father, and many loves packed this place in the years past.

And now, the quiet destruction and the sudden realization that tomorrow is coming.

The quiet times evade our consciousness mostly. But subconsciously, do we consider them? And if and when we do, how do we feel about the tomorrow that is coming?

Sunday, June 29, 2003

This is sad. I loved Katharine Hepburn.

GAY LIFE

Pride. Pride. Pride.
I'm so bored with Pride.
Forgive me for sounding politically incorrect, and I don't mean "pride" as in the state of mind, I mean Pride-- the parades, festivals, and same-ole same-ole that happens every June.

I realized yesterday that this was my 13th year of Prides (since I came out in 1990 and went to my very first one). It was so exciting and fun and astounding and amazing back then. Now, once you've seen circuit boys, leather guys, naked lesbians riding motorcycles, drag queens, and the rest over and over again it all kind of blends in together and doesn't excite or amuse or freak you out anymore. It's just the same. Forgive me.

I know the importance of Pride. I really do. But I think it meant so much more back in the days when they were new and daring and represented a feeling of revolution. I also think they meant more when they weren't so popular. I think this is still the case for smaller cities or towns where it is still radical to be openly Gay. I think this is still the case for the young and/or those just coming out. And I think this is still the case for much of the straight community. But, especially in San Francisco, where everyday is open Gay life and where nothing really shocks one anymore, Pride is much more about all the tourists and straight suburban people and marching with openly Gay or supportive straight elected officials who now cater to us. It doesn't have that same feeling of revolution or purpose or excitement anymore, especially now that it's becoming mainstream. At least for me. Again, forgive me.

I want to be excited by Pride again. But each year I go, hoping for fun and excitement, and instead I end up yawning and getting annoyed with the massive crowd, and wondering where the political statements have gone (beyond the statement of just our presence). It's one large party with lots of beer and corporate sponsors and lots of beer and pandering by elected officials and corporate sponsors and lots and lots of beer. I don't even drink and I don't even go out to bars anymore because they bore me now too. So why would I care about being outside at a giant party that's similar to the bar/club scene? I need something new and exciting to happen for me to enjoy Pride again. Or maybe I'm beyond Pride, post-Pride if you will, to where it's for others now and I'm off to figure out the next thing that others won't get or care about until later when I'm passed it too.

Forgive me.

Saturday, June 28, 2003

GAY LIFE

There a little, sculptured, corner park that's opened up this week in the Castro. It's now called the Pink Triangle Park as a remembrance of the homosexuals who died via the Nazis. It's cute and simple, but full of meaning.
We're always afflicted . . . by being invisible and having our trauma denied. Today is a very important symbol that that can change....
We've reclaimed this awful piece of dirt and turned it into something that's very welcoming and beautiful. It's also a part of reclaiming our history.

A wonderful ode to my City and it's constant beacon of hope.

The fog came in!
The fog came in!
The fog came in!
Jessie, it's time to break out the jacket again, cuz we're back to living in my town. Someone musta gone out to the ocean and fixed the AC unit cuz the fog just came in. Hooray!

I sent my thoughts on the Supreme Court decision to a favorite professor of mine from my days back in college in Kansas City. He replied with this interesting anecdote:
In my Intro to American govt. class I asked how many were pro-choice, etc., and the class divided evenly in thirds. When I asked how many thought that gays should have the right to have sex with each other in private, all the students (including many conservative Christians) agreed that they should be able to. They also all knew at least some gay people well. I thought that was a striking result. It's similar to a result I got last year.
It's obvious to me that Our coming out and being open and living our lives without shame has Changed everything.

I also got this great note from an old friend and wonderful activist from my days in the pro-choice community of Kansas City: I thought of you this week and am so happy about the Supreme Court decision. I'm also very surprised, or I was until I read your thoughts on the matter. I think you are absolutely right about the reason you've had so much success. There is a HUGE lesson for the choice community here. Keep talking, kiddo!

Very interesting. What does this tell us about other liberal causes? What can we learn from this? And what can we do better in our fight for freedom?

Friday, June 27, 2003

And just cuz I finally got my new glasses back from the shop (after a month of repair; can you believe that?) here's two updated pictures of me with them on:
Do I look butch or what?
And here's one without any glasses at all:
How ya like me now?

I just loved this picture of my Babycakes and B. Plural that I had to steal it from Sparky. Don't they look so happy in this picture from NYC?

A great, positive turn of events for Justice Ronnie White and for Missouri. What Ashcroft did to him is so vile and reminds one of the extreme obstructionism the Republicans did to Clinton's judicial nominees. Good that he's kept on keepin on. (Thanks to Greg for giving me the link.)

Very funny post by a very funny man:
heat make ernie crazy
p.s. it's HOT here! My poor cat just lays around, sprawled out on the floor, asking for some cooler air.

My comment system is acting a little funky. It still works and you can still leave comments, but the number is staying at "0" for some reason. Weird.

Thursday, June 26, 2003

GAY LIFE

I've been thinking a lot about the Supreme Court decision today. What Gay person hasn't? But what's struck me about it is how far we've come as a community. This is a CONSERVATIVE court; in fact, probably more conservative than the court from the 1980's which came to the opposite conclusion and which today's court invalidated (can you believe it?). So why, unlike our friends in the Choice, Civil Rights, Labor, Women's, Liberal, Privacy, and Civil Liberties communities who keep losing or are holding onto a bare majority, why are We able to not only win today, but also have an earlier ruling overturned by this conservative court?

First, We haven't won everything. We've in fact lost many battles recently and over the years. And We will lose again. That's just the nature of constant vigilance. But We will also win again. And We won a big one today.

Secondly, it's not a giant new right. In fact, it's almost taken for granted that the police never enforce these laws and most states have already gotten rid of these very old laws. Even Georgia, the state in which the 1980's decision was from, got rid of their law even after going to the Supreme Court to defend it. It's also not a giant new step forward, as if we won marriage or complete acceptance or something new and big. It's really a b-a-s-i-c principle which lies at the cornerstone of our existence. And it pretty much fits within a "live and let live" philosophy; not a granting of anything.

Third, and MOST IMPORTANT, We did this. From living room to living room, family dinner to family dinner, community hall to community hall, coming out talk to coming out talk, difficult chat with Mom & Dad to difficult chat with Mom & Dad, we changed the hearts and minds of America. In the midst of all the conservatism over the years and the growing conservatism of our government and courts over the years We came out; We talked; We were proud; We were vocal; We lived our lives without shame; We participated in our families and our churches and our communities and our cities; We changed people's minds and hearts with just our being and our talking and our presence. We did this. And We should be proud.

While our friends in the Liberal communities continue to have troubles within the legal system (and we do too, no doubt), We have changed America and popular opinion and the judicial system and the country and the government just by being open and honest about our lives. There's a long way to go and, again, we haven't won everything or even that much legally. But societally, fundamentally, philosophically, and spiritually, We have won more than We may have thought possible before. And We did it ourselves, not because of any law or decision or president or governor or representative or petition. We did it from living room to living room. And We includes not just the full Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender community but also our Straight allies and family members who became not-afraid to speak out about their friends and family members. So here's to Us, all of Us, for speaking up and changing society. As Margaret Mead once said, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed citizens can change the world; Indeed it's the only thing that ever has." We proved that today. So got out and be Proud today. And continue to Change the World.

GAY LIFE

Hooray!
[Gay men] are entitled to respect for their private lives.... The state cannot demean their existence or control their destiny by making their private sexual conduct a crime.... Bowers was not correct when it was decided, and it is not correct today.

How wonderful that how he mentions how the 80's decision in 'Bowers v. Hardwick' was wrongly decided against Us. So cool.
P.S. What's rather sickening is the way the extreme right-wing members of court who were in the minority opinion try to say how they're not against Gay people. Uhuh, yeah, right. Anyway, forget them and their right-wing stupidity and

Celebrate!

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

Leslie, that great Woman of the World, is coming HOME to the Bay Area next week for a brief visit! Que tremendo!

We're being kept in the dark about what's even "public" knowledge. But why? Why is the media so afraid to cover these stories?

"At every turn when there has been an imbalance of power, the truth questioned or our beliefs and values distorted, the change required to restore our nation has always come from the bottom up from our people." -- presidential candidate Governor Howard Dean of Vermont.

You may have noticed over the course of my blog in the recent months that I've often quoted or talked about different Democratic candidates for president. I haven't chosen sides yet and am happy to prop up most of them. There's nine (9) of them if you didn't know, and possibly a few more may enter the race soon. I like most of them, some more than others, some less, some are my favs, some I don't like at all. But I'm not ready to commit to anyone yet and don't feel the need to do so yet. I would say at this time though, my favs are Kerry, Dean, and Graham. Close behind are Edwards, Gephardt, and (would love it if it were possible but recognize it won't happen) Moseley-Braun. And the ones I don't like at all at Lieberman, Kucinich, and Sharpton; each of them are wrong and bad for their own respective reason. Regardless, any of the nine are better than Bush and that's the goal. So that's my two cents. For now. Things can change. But what won't change is my strong desire to do everything possible to Defeat Bush in 2004. Just in case you were wondering.

Monday, June 23, 2003

This article made me happy; made me want to go out and enjoy where I live again. I think I'll take a trip to the cliffs/beach this week. The sun was shining. I wondered why I ever even go to the office.... When things pick up, San Francisco will be right at the top of the wish lists of people from all over the world. And that's because this place is drop- dead gorgeous.

Sunday, June 22, 2003

Just how healthy is all this? The usual plot is this: Guy walks into restaurant. Guy is huge. Guy is hungry. Guy is boastful. (Or Guy is nervous -- it depends.) Guy starts strong. Guy starts to tire. Guy's friends chant, "Chew! Chew! Chew!" Guy fails. Guy throws up.

Saturday, June 21, 2003

The United States has the highest rate of unintended pregnancies in the industrialized world. Since emergency contraception has the potential to prevent half of these pregnancies, the scientific imperative is clear: emergency contraception must be available over the counter.

Friday, June 20, 2003

Asian America and the ACLU.

San Francisco's new cereal connection involves a promotion with Kellogg's in which 40 million boxes will offer consumers the chance to win a trip to a "Great American City," such as San Francisco, New York, Chicago, Philadelphia, Los Angeles or Seattle. The 6 million or 7 million boxes promoting San Francisco will be "adult" cereals, such as All-Bran and Product 19. "You'll notice that this is not Froot Loops," joked one visitors' bureau executive.

It feels so good to be back, in full force, at the gym. I feel so much stronger and healthier and happier. It could also have something to do with being a "man of leisure"-- as I'm wont to call myself thesedays. Either way, I feel good.

"There's an ideological revolution going on here," Marian Wright Edelman, president of the Children's Defense Fund. "These people don't think the federal government should be in the business of helping children and the poor. What they want to do is dismantle the New Deal."

Thursday, June 19, 2003

Getting rights on paper, Juneteenth reminds us, is a far cry from getting them in practice.

GAY LIFE

In the heartland of America, my dad has told me that people have been receptive because of the unconditional love and support he has for his children. He hasn't turned me away. It shows he's about family values. A family value is love.-- Chrissy Gephardt, openly Lesbian daughter of presidential candidate Congressman Richard Gephart, D-Missouri.

For all those people who've visited me in San Francisco and I've told to come via the airport in Oakland because it was easier: things have changed and now you can easily come to SF via SFO.

"The Republicans are bringing a continuation of their reckless tax-cutting binge that they are on, to undermine the fiscal soundness of the country," [House Democratic leader Nancy] Pelosi said. "They do it on a weekly basis, without any sense of what it does to plunge our children into indebtedness rather than investing in their future. And here they are again today."

The following is an email I sent to Aaron and David to offer my thoughts on concerns over the fate of the Supreme Court decision coming this Monday on the gay rights case Lawrence v. Texas:
"i actually think we have a strong case for winning this case. maybe i'm naive, but i think that's the way the political wind is flowing. regardless, if we lose, we lose, and we continue the fight and get more emboldened than ever.

"you and i work in a profession where there's few all-out "wins" and there's never an end. constant vigilance is annoying and hard and difficult and unsanitary. but it's a must and it can be done.

"and it's also difficult to recognize that through constant vigilance, we are making a difference in it all. but we are, and that's why it's important. even on days when we "lose" something, we are making a difference by being a part of the struggle. and even on days when we "win" something, we know that it could be taken away someday and why we must keep up the struggle regardless.

"this profession is hard and long and neverending and tiring. but we must remember that it's all a part of the abstract. while it does effect us in our lives, it only controls our lives if we let it. we must recognize that the ultimate power we each possess is control over our own life, destiny, and personhood. by having control over ourselves, we can make more positive difference in the world than any law or judicial decision.

"it wasn't laws or judicial decisions that brought the gay community to where it is today. it was US, individuals, fighting for our rights as individuals and as a group, everyday, not caring about what the law or decisions said. and that's the biggest difference in the world. and that's the power that we possess that so many forget. that power fuels our constant vigilance. and that power is what those who would fight us in our struggle for rights want us to forget and want us to not use. because they know that that is our ultimate power.

"and in order for us to wield that power fully and deeply, we must remember that we are strong individuals, strong communities, strong people and that we can and will be constantly vigilant in our struggles. and we can't let small or even large setbacks deter us from what we know is the right direction for us and for the world.

"and, secondly, in order for us to wield that strength fully, we also must take care of ourselves, our individuality, our personhood by constantly and vigilantly renewing our inner spirit, recognizing our power to control our own destinies, and remembering that we are stronger when we are whole. our individual life is our strongest power. we control it; we define it; we advance it; we nurture it. by being and projecting the strongest individual we can be, we are making the biggest difference there is. because the other side doesn't want us to be an individual; they want us to be assimilated.

"so nurture yourself, recognize your control and power, remember that we are more than a law or a judicial decision or an election. we are what they fear most; we are never going to give up; we are constantly vigilant. and we are strong within so that we can be strong in the fight."

Remember when Bush ran his campaign on "uniting" the country? Remember when he said he would "change the tone" of Washington? That was all just for the campaign. He has no intention of that AT ALL. This link is a good piece on the complete disregard he has for the Democrats and their thoughts on the judiciary. And by nominating this impeachment guy, well, he's just politically saying "f*** you Dems." So much for uniting.

Wednesday, June 18, 2003

So while Jessie and Chris were away in NYC this last week I swiped their copy of the DVD collection of the full first season of Six Feet Under. I've been addicted to it all week, catching an episode here and there throughout each day. I've watched about 10 episodes so far this week and I love it. I know, I know, I'm behind and everyone is on season 3 or whatever, but I'm just catching up now. I did the same kinda thing back in the 90's when I caught up on all the first couple of seasons of X-Files after I got into it around the 4th season or so. And then the same thing when I got into Buffy during its third season and then caught up on all the before. It's kinda fun to catch up on something when you can watch it all-together, without waiting for weeks, and knowing a little bit of where things go in the future. You also know that the show prevails and doesn't end up quitting on you for low ratings or that it isn't good anymore. Six Feet Under is great. So moving and detailed. I'm glad I'm catching up now.

It's not so amazing that so many people suffer from depression. What's amazing is that it's so little understood and still treated in society as an individual problem. It's obviously a national health care concern that needs further investigation, and more importantly, a societal turn towards real understanding and acceptance.

GAY LIFE

Oh, Canada! June 17th will be a day gays and lesbians will remember for a long, long time to come.

GAY LIFE

Richard Chamberlain has Come Out and he, apparently couldn't be happier. Coming out is very freeing and can be a wonderful experience. I can only imagine how much of a relief it must be for him after so many years of denial, secrecy, and fear:

"I'm 69 frigging years old and I've just come to this!" Chamberlain says in a voice that's giddy and incredulous. "Can you imagine all those years of fear? Not that I never had a good time, of course. I have good friends and I loved my career and all. But there was always this undercurrent of grngg- grngg" -- he makes a low, grinding noise -- "like something was wrong." Before he wrote the book, Chamberlain says, "if somebody gave me a sideways glance I would think it was my problem. And now! Somebody does that, I go, 'What's in your head that you're cringing at, that you're sneering about? It can't be me, 'cause you don't even know me. I'm happy!' Do you know what I'm saying? It's quite miraculous." He may be 69, but Chamberlain looks 20 years younger and exudes a kind of dazzling boyishness. He speaks in italics, grins constantly, laughs with astonished relief at the burden he's no longer carrying. "The whole experience still seems too good to be true. It's almost like having a dream where you can fly. I have a slight hesitation to talk about it because I don't want to tempt the gods with any kind of hubris."

Good4him!

More reasons why I hate Wal-Mart, beyond the, you know, whole destruction of neighborhood, small-town, mom-and-pop stores around the nation:
Wal-Mart is, in short, deciding what America needs based on the shockingly uptight whims and intolerant perspectives of the hard Right. This is why you should worry. This is why you should care. The arbiter of taste for much of the country is not the media. It is not the movies. It is not Britney or Keanu or MTV.

It is a giant suckass superstore, one that aggressively works every single day to drain out any semblance of voice or personality or alternative viewpoint and works harder than any other company in the nation to kowtow to the masses and keep the nation in a nice big hole of casual blind lockstep sameness without the nation even knowing any better. Ah, just like BushCo. Just like America. Except, you know, cheaper.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003

GAY LIFE

Thomas McLaughlin, 14, said an assistant principal at Jacksonville Junior High School in Jacksonville, Ark., pulled him out of class last year after rumors surfaced that the boy was gay. According to McLaughlin, the assistant principal asked if his parents knew. “When I said no, she said I had until 3:40 to tell them or the school would,” McLaughlin said. He says the assistant principal also forced him to read Bible passages condemning homosexuality. “I was too upset to sit through eighth period,... so I went to the guidance counselor, and she made the call. Later, the science teacher wrote me a four-page handwritten letter about the Bible’s teachings on homosexuality, telling me I would be condemned to hell. I threw it out.”

If you really want to see the stark differences between us normal people and the religious right's views, read this article in the latest Church & State magazine. Here's an excerpt from religious right figurehead Gary Bauer on his views: A good bit of the country thinks the meaning of America is it’s a place where you get to do whatever you want. Different strokes for different folks; if it feels good, do it…. And then there are people like us who believe with all our hearts that that was NOT what the country was supposed to be about. We believe that it’s supposed to be a place built on ordered liberty under God.

Any questions?

Monday, June 16, 2003

Dave Murphy writes the best little commentaries every week in the Business section on ways to improve office culture, your own career, and the world of business. I always look forward to reading his columns. Here's an excerpt from a good one: Workplace harmony is wonderful -- if it's genuine. But the fiascoes involving the New York Times and the space shuttle Columbia should make us all realize that the pretense of harmony can backfire if workers are too intimidated to raise legitimate concerns.

GAY LIFE

The festival was born in the mid- 1970s, when Gay Lib raged throughout the land. I started attending in the 1980s; the festival only lasted a week, but I'd see 20 films if I could. The films often were bad, but who cared? Short a few truly torturous movies, it was amazing to sit in a theater day after day and see films about us.
At the time, Hollywood films showed gay people as suicidal social outcasts, serial killers or suicidal social outcast serial killers -- or Charles Nelson Reilly.


On my own personal note, I love the film festivals, but often find it hard to be involved in the one here in the City because it's just so huge! When I was in DC I would annually buy an all-access pass for the full festival. As it usually was at a local theater across the street from my apartment building, it was so easy for me to just sit in the festival day-in and day-out, all day long, with other friends who were there all the time. Woodja was one of my friends that I bonded with throughout the week of the festival. We have many, many fond memories of good and very bad movies. Good times.

If only the president of WorldCom had been caught growing marijuana, then the Justice Department would have really thrown the book at them. Or if Ken Lay and Saddam Hussein had tried to get married in Texas -- man, they'd be behind bars so fast your turnstiles would blur. Maybe next time.

AIDS/HIVGAY LIFE

...secrecy is still common.

What is wrong with people?! This is very gross and disturbing. Have they heard of trash cans, rest rooms, or simple going behind a tree? Are we in such a hurry in this society that we can't even slow down to go to the bathroom, and then properly get rid of our own waste? So stupid!

Someone stop Jessie and Chris right now from any crazy notions of actually moving to NYC and away from me! I'll be oh-so-sad and lonely without them here.

GAY LIFE

There's much going on in San Francisco right now for Gay Pride Month. Imagine! Anyway, I got a chance to go to the Library yesterday (yes, the library, it's a wonderful place) and see an exhibit on the history and 25th anniversary of the Rainbow Pride Flag. They even had a viewing case on the current commercialization of the colors and flag. The most interesting piece of the display was the fact that originally each of the 8 color stripes were given a specific meaning and that nowadays during its mass production the end color-- pink-- is often left off. Their original meaning for the pink stripe- sexuality. Funny how mass commercialization and production has taken away our sexuality. Anyway, really interesting historical piece and I'm looking forward to viewing the other historical pieces that the local Historical Society has put together this week while I have the time.

Saturday, June 14, 2003

GAY LIFE

A great national Gay group is the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force which is the oldest group of its kind that continues to be around. One of the best things about NGLTF is that every year they produce a national conference for Gay activists, policymakers, community members, and just everyday people. Their conferences are amazing.

I was lucky enough to be able to attend a few several years ago. I talked my national group, Americans United, into allowing me to have a booth of our stuff at their conferences in 1997. That first experience was so good for AU and good for me personally. AU has continued to go to their conferences every year since.

Anyway, I got to attend, while working the booth, in 1997 in San Diego, and in 1998 in Pittsburgh. Then in 1999, I had moved out here to San Francisco, but the conference was in Oakland, so I got to go to some of it while out here. The contacts and friends I made from those conferences have proven continually beneficial to me over the years. I'm still in touch with several of them. And the conferences themselves were a great place for national discussions on local grassroots concerns. I only wish I could attend them again nowadays. And I'd like to participate more in the meetings. Someday, hopefully, I will. And maybe, you will too.

Today's a day, like many here, when I remember why I moved here. The sun was shining. The sky was blue. The temperature was perfect-- not too hot, not too cold. The calm, cool, fresh-aire breeze was blowing in from the ocean. There were people out enjoying the day. And I was relaxing at a park and enjoying it all. I love living here in San Francisco.

The future is now. It's a whole new world. There's no turning back. It's all over, people.
What could possible transform the entire landscape so suddenly and starkly, you may ask?

My Mother now has a cell phone.

Friday, June 13, 2003

Celebrity Sightings: I don't live in the fancy, star-crazed world of Los Angeles like some people I know, but we have a lot of celebrities who live and play in the Bay Area. I'm not big on the scene, unless it's someone I personally am hot for, and I never really go up to people and ask for autographs-- I mean, what am I gonna do with a signature anyway? So today, I'm sitting at my usual coffee shop around the corner from my house when I see..... someone. Yes, someone. I don't know who it was actually. I can't remember. I just know I've seen him in something somewhere. I don't know his name or anything. I just know he's been in something sometime somewhere. I can't even look him up on IMDB cuz I have no idea who to look for. So that's my story. Nothing major really, except that there was someone sitting at my neighborhood coffeeshop. Someone.

As Californians ponder the mind-boggling possibility that they could recall Gov. Gray Davis less than a year after re-electing him, they might remember the 1993 movie ``Groundhog Day.''... Something like Bill Murray's plight is happening to California's voters -- with one difference. All Californians can look forward to is the chaos.... And when you try to re-create Groundhog Day -- a la Bill Murray -- you inject poison into an already fragile political bloodstream.

Ah, they're playing Summertime by D.J. Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince on the radio right now. I used to jokingly and badly Vogue to that song (don't ask). That's about when my good friend Sylvester would yell at me for ruining a good song and a good dance. Ah, good times.

A passionate and strong commentary by Senator Jim Jeffords of Vermont on the two-year anniversary date of his resignation from the Republican party:
What makes the actions of the Bush administration so troublesome is the lack of honesty. It amounts, in the end, to a pattern of deception and distortion; ultimately that does not respect the wisdom of the American people.

Good4him!

You gotta click on this link. If only, for kicks. You gotta. It's too funny and sad.

Thursday, June 12, 2003

Family Matters, Post #2, (The Bad News): My family's dog is dying. Turns out that Ozzie (never let a party-crazy, rock-obsessed sister name a dog after a hard-rock musician) has cancer. And the vet doesn't think he'll survive a month longer at this point. He's still playful and alive and kicking, but the truth is coming soon. And I'll never see him again as I won't be back home within the next month. It's very, very sad and hard. And I also know that my parents will never again have a "family dog" for us to enjoy and hug and love when we're back home. And that's sad and hard too. And will be especially hard next Christmas when I visit and there's no Ozzie and there's no Freckles (our childhood family dog) and there's no December (our childhood family cat) and there's no Flash (our childhood family turtle) and there's no pet whatsover and the end is here and now and we're all alone. And that's sad and hard and sad and hard and.... Ozzie was a great dog, even if he was too big for his own good. He had the sweetest, most gentle personality. And he loved each of us, even those of us who rarely saw him except for that annual Christmas visit. And he was oh-so-lovable back. And it's all so sad and hard to take.

GAY LIFE

Family Matters, Post #1, (The Good News): (Making a long story short for the blog) An old childhood friend from my family's church came back home to Kansas City recently for a family wedding at the church and he talked and talked with my Mother and she gave him my contact information. She figured he was Gay and the guy he was with was his partner. She was right on both counts. He emailed me and we've been talking a lot this week. He is about 6 years older than me and when we were much younger, during our church days as kids, we bonded back then but without much understanding of why until now. It's funny how even when you don't know about yourself or each other, you can still bond with people who are similar. He left church to go to college where he then came out, but I never saw him again. Years later, I came out in college too.

The interesting thing about all this is that his family and my family are very close to each other at the church. Each family knows and accepts each of us respectively. And yet, they've never, ever, not even once, discussed the similar issue with each other. It also turns out that there are several other Gay connections throughout our very small family church in the middle of the Midwest. And yet, no dialogue; no connections; whispers in the dark but no light. So many people going through similar issues and concerns and hopes and yet no discussion. Hmmm. How can this be? Well, silence is easy; it's talking that's hard.

Well, all that's about to change. As he and I've been talking, we've also been updating our respective Mothers. And our Mothers are about to have a conversation that they are more than ready for and that would very good for them emotionally, religiously, and socially. Now to get them to begin the conversation. It's coming soon. Additionally, he and I will one day soon connect again in person as he visits me here or I go to St. Louis to visit him. The future is ahead of us.

Wednesday, June 11, 2003

Well, it takes a lot for me to get annoyed enough to actually write a Letter to the Editor, but, well, maybe now that I'm unemployed I can become the crazy letter-writing crank so many of you figured I'd turn out to be. Anyway, below is my letter I sent this evening regarding this commentary by a guy from the right-wing Hoover Institution:

I find it rather odd that Mr. Davenport writes about his concerns over a "one-party" state where Democrats are in charge, but then, within the same article, glorifies a Republican "one-party" state in Texas. If he truly cared about sound public policy than I would gather that he wrote similar articles about other "one-party" states where Republicans are in control, advised Democrats within those states on how to strengthen their party, and then submitted the articles to those state's newspapers. However, I highly doubt he did that. Please tell Mr. Davenport not to hide behind quotes from Thomas Jefferson and the idea of a strong democracy to surreptitiously justify his obvious partisan rants.

Before becoming unemployed, I made a list in my mind of things that I'd like to do when I was finally free of the job. One of the top of the list was to visit the newly opened Asian Art Museum in San Francisco. There's been much hoopla about its opening recently and I was excited to see it. I spent the afternoon enjoying the place today-- very thorough and expansive. I'll need to go back again to take in a second floor, as I really only made it through my first floor before being overwhelmed by knowledge and exhaustion. So much to learn, so much to know, so much to take in, so much to realize I'll never know. So I'll go again.

Does anyone know how to stop these annoying popups that keep invading my computer everyday telling me to buy their system (*cough* extortion *cough*) so that I won't receive the popups anymore?

Tuesday, June 10, 2003

This is apparently how they now describe the position that I was in until last month.

I didn't leave the job; the job left me.

Time for my own new beginnings.

How many Presidential types that you know of have their own blog? It's a whole new world out there.

Jessie's favorite dolls are a major hit.

CHOICE

It's time again. They're ready. We're ready. National March for Choice in Washington, DC on April 25, 2004.

As you may have read from my Choice page, I participated in the historic March on Washington in 1992. I organized a group of Missourians and Kansans to ride a bus (yes, a bus) from Kansas City to Washington, DC to join the March. The bus drove 24 hours straight, stopped for four hours in DC to let us march, and then drove 24 hours straight back. It was one hell of a trip. Now, it's time again. The fight for justice requires eternal vigilance.

Monday, June 09, 2003

The Democratic National Committee has started up a new deal where you can help raise money for them via your own website on their page. So I've joined the ePatriots, the Democratic Party's grassroots fundraising effort.

So please help me and the Democratics by giving some dough to help them out. We're trying as best we can to kick Bush out of the White House with a massive grassroots effort and your contribution is important to help them organize, get out the message against Bush, and get out the vote. Click here for my personal page: CLICK HERE NOW. I'm doing what I can. I hope you will too.

For my always-partyin' sister: As I've told you many times, Halloween in San Francisco is insane! You'll be up here someday around that time and you'll see for yourself:

What began as a mainly gay event has expanded, and now attracts visitors from around the world. It also attracts a more menacing element from closer by who are hell- bent on getting drunk and making trouble.... It's good that people want to come to a gay neighborhood and party with us. But it's a very bad thing that some of them don't know how to behave when they get here. Unfortunately, the bad things are overtaking the good things right now.

Leslie, that great Woman of the World, sends us another report from her Kenya Peace Corps assignment:

"Pole Sana..... Very sorry
"I know it has been a long time since I last wrote and I am sure many of you are wondering whats going on with me:) so I am here to quench all your suspicions. No I have not been attacked and SARS is a million miles away. I have been very busy traveling back and forth between Mombasa and the south coast for work. For all you map lovers, I work primarily between Vanga (on the boarder of Tanz) up to Shimoni/Wasini Island.

"Here I am working on a new project that encompasses 16 villages for a Locally Managed Marine Area (LMMA) Our goal is to bring all the communities together to pool resources so that they can network together to expand production and market goods collectively to increase income. In the spirit of conservation through enterprise we are hoping if they can expand their village resources they will curtail their fishing activities thus reducing pressure on the reef. There is a large problem with over fishing here so we are trying to help the local communities utilize potential resources while working to preserve the reef. It has been a amazing experience going into theses villages. For many it is the first time they have ever sat down and evaluated all the resources they have. It is also the first time they have discussed the different rolls women, men and youth play in the village. It is amazing to watch them debate and discuss what life in the villages entails. It is a unique experience to say the least!! I feel so lucky to be part of such a process.

"The villages are located in very remote areas, one we visited we had to drive down a foot path! I thought they were joking when they turned to go down the "path" but an hour later we arrived at the village. I am often the star attraction when we arrive. Most of the villages have never seen a white person so I get the stares from everyone. The children usually stand two feet behind me and just stare. Sometimes one gets the courage to come around the front side and look at my face but then laughs and runs to the back. It is very Innocent and sweet. I don't mind it, I guess because it is a nice break form the city kids which shout HOW ARE YOU, HOW ARE YOU as a wazungu (white person) walks down the street. I'll take village kids any day over city kids.

"I generally try to sit with the women at these meetings which is great because they are so boisterous amongst themselves. They have so much to say and are truly the ones that run life here. They do a good job of welcoming me either by chatting with me, giving me wraps (so I look Swahili) or painting henna/pico on my hands. Our trips to the south gives me a great perspective on village life. As I have said before I have the best of both worlds. It is crazy! last week I returned from a week in the village and then headed down to Diani with my English neighbors to a three day fund raiser for the Kwale District Eye Center. It was a weekend filled with beach sports, obstacle courses, free food and lots of drinking. There were people from all over Kenya, primarily white KC (native white Kenyans) that took part in the games. Sometimes I wonder how the two different worlds coexist. It is hard to balance my life here but I think I have accepted that it is just two different worlds and that I can not really balance them all I can really to is observe and try to move between them as much as possible. Maybe one day I will write a book!!

"I am returning to the states at the end of the month for a short visit, It will be great to see everyone and to do some very needed shopping. I hope you are all doing well I miss you all very much. I will try to update you more often."
Take care,
Love,
Leslie

Sunday, June 08, 2003

CHANGES

Years ago, as I was preparing to leave behind everything and everyone I knew in Washington, DC and beginning to make my journey across the country to this City of San Francisco, my good friend Danny with whom I volunteered regularly at the local youth center, gave me a going-away gift. He and I had bonded over the years and we had many conversations about ex-boyfriends and life and struggles and our place in the world. He was very special to me. His gift was a wooden framed, hand-painted piece which hosted the beautiful poem below:

Listen to Your Heart

If you can live
the life you believe in
you will have everything you need
to reach your dream.

Just look into your heart
and you'll find confidence in yourself
that will make each challenge
easier to face. . .

You'll discover the hope
that will keep you believing. . .
you'll find an inner strength
that will help you past obstacles. . .
and you'll see the happiness
that's waiting for you
if you keep trying. . .

The struggle for any dream
is always worth the effort,
For in the struggle lies its
Strength and fulfillment. . .

If you listen to your heart
you will reach your dream
--Larry S. Chengges

I had actually forgotten about it for a while as it was in my office in a place I rarely looked. I then packed it up along with my other personal office effects over the last several months as I prepared to leave my job. As I was unpacking these boxes in my apartment this week I ran across it again. It's been helpful and a positive influence as I begin a new journey into the unknown. And I feel Danny with me. And I feel he's encouraging me, even when I have my own private doubts. And that makes me smile.

For those who just can't get enough pictures of me, I present what I like to call my "red series":

Saturday, June 07, 2003

What a sad and terrifying injustice we've created. This commentary provides disturbing details into our new "patriotic" world: Secretive, preventive, indefinite detention is anathema to our system of government, which is about openness and fairness. We must resist this impulse for collective punishment and the wholesale labeling of immigrants as "security risks."

GAY LIFE

It's shocking that the agency in charge of protecting the civil rights of all Americans is singling out one group of people for unequal treatment.

It's not so shocking when it's Ashcroft who's in charge. I'm surprised there was one last year. Although apparently he did promise to the Senate, during his confirmation, that he wouldn't interfere with these activities. He lied. That's not new. Regardless, it's all pretty lame. But what do you expect from him and the rest of the Bush Administration?

Well, my lord! Looks like I got my own church in Isbell, Alabama. Mighty scary.

This is a great rally cry, very right on, but, um, where's the ending? It just kinda trails off at the end. Regardless, great points and information. Here's some strong excerpts:

Do you want a different President in 2004? I'm asking this as a serious question, not a rhetorical one. Do you want it badly enough to actually do what is necessary to win the election that will take place just 17 months from now?...

[Nuns, Progressive Activists, Anti-War Protesters] wanted to know what could be done to change the state of affairs. I said I though someone needed to take voter registration forms to every meeting and demonstration and get people fired up to vote. They said that would be hard. Why? Because people were fed up with the Democrats. I said, then they are going to have to GET OVER IT, and you are going to have to help them. Because like it or not, either George Bush or the Democratic nominee, whoever he may be, will be our next President.

All of you know who I'm talking about; I may be talking about you. We should, by all means, be working to promote a progressive agenda with each and every candidate and to make the nominee as progressive as possible. But in the end, we are going to have to dedicate ourselves to electing the Democrat. To do otherwise is a luxury we cannot afford. I look forward to our campaign for a universal health care plan or a real education bill or labor law reform. We cannot even have that conversation now. We are trying to hang on by our fingernails to what we have now. And we are losing.

-- Congresswoman Jan Schakowsky (Democrat from Illinois, just north of Chicago)

Friday, June 06, 2003

More proof that Republicans hate poor people:
Although almost every Senate Republican voted for the bill, some clearly were unhappy at having to do so under what they considered public pressure from liberal groups and Democrats. Senator Trent Lott of Mississippi voted for the bill, but as he did so he stuck his tongue out, put his finger in his mouth and made a gagging sound, indicating his apparent distaste for the bill.

The American Matrix. Wake up America.

CHOICE

...the measure's backers are counting on the public not to read the fine print. Their strategy is to curtail access to abortion further as the inevitable legal challenge wends its way back to the Supreme Court for another showdown. They obviously hope that by that time, there will have been a personnel change that will shift the outcome their way.

Get the Facts.

It's strange to realize that I'm a part of this larger number. Jobs, anyone? Jobs?

Thursday, June 05, 2003

Veinte anos! Veinte!

I'm in the Castro today. First time I'm able to actually get out of the house much this week as I've been so sick with this stupid cold. Feeling better today and venture to the Castro to hang at a coffee shop and read and relax. I spent a couple hours doing that and had the pleasure of running into the ever-pleasant Vince and then I was window shopping and store-hopping and such.

All the sudden as I'm heading back home I run right into a guy coming out of a bookstore as I'm walking passed it. We nearly hit each other we were so close. We both looked at each other and said hi and awkwardly walked next to each other before he started up a conversation.

Turns out he's visiting from El Salvador for the week via a conference for his university. He'd never been to the Castro and was checking it out and enjoying the fruits of another color and that aren't available back home. He was smiling. He was speaking decent English and I was speaking bad Spanish with mixtures of my own bad English. I was trying. It's hard to be conversational in Spanish, although he seemed to be easy to talk to and he helped me.

I asked him what else he wanted to see and visit while here and he kept saying he wanted to see "San Francisco" and all that it had to offer. I told him sights and stuff. He then said he wanted to go to Civic Center-- for what reason I can't imagine. I was heading home so I rode the bus down to Union Square with him and told him that was more interesting than Civic Center and also referred him to the Metreon since he was a techie. A techie university student from El Salvador. Ok.

I could tell he kinda liked me. He was adorable and sweet and I enjoyed speaking espanol with him, albeit mixed with English from me and his practicing his English with me. But I knew he was quite young and I asked him his age-- veinte anos (20). He pleasantly said that I looked younger than I am. So gallant.

I told him places to go to sightsee and I left him to catch my bus up the hill. Shortly after, while waiting for my bus, he showed up again and asked me for ideas of things to do and then invited me to coffee. Isn't he sweet? (Veinte anos! Veinte!) No es bueno para mi porque es tan joven, but he was a nice fellow and I don't want to judge based upon age. (But veinte anos!) I told him I must get home to my freaked-out cat and make sure she was ok after the crazy day (I posted below) she's had. And I told him to go to the Metreon.

Asi, esta es mi tarde con un joven de El Salvador. Esta bien.

So, they're in my house. Probably still right now. They being electrical workers installing a new heating unit into my very-old-San Francisco apartment building. And they, yes them, let my cat out of the kitchen. Lord only knows what going on now. I fear for their safety.

They said they didn't need in the kitchen and I told them I was closing my cat off in there. But for some reason they decided to go in there and she ran out and last I saw, upon my brief return in the early afternoon, she was permanently hiding under my bed. I couldn't coax her out for anything. I hope she's still under there. I hope she doesn't run out my often-time-open-door while they're there. And I hope that they don't try to pet her. That would be dangerous. It's their fault. They let her out and I told them she would stay put in the kitchen. I hope they end up ok.

"They, like, don't know anything," said Mary, 14, giggling. "They're, like, do you like Michael Jackson?" said Karen, 14, rolling her eyes.

I am so sick and tired of this cold. I can't believe I even have one-- summertime anyone? Everyday I think it's almost gone and then the next morning it's all cough and wheeze and flem and kleenexes galore. I really hate that I'm not getting to enjoy my days off like I want to. That's the worst thing. Stupid, stupid cold.

Wednesday, June 04, 2003

I hope the American public starts to really let this sink in, think through how we were lied to, manipulated, and fed daily loads of crap and how this ruins our credibility internationally, and should frighten us nationally as to who we have become and what else we are being illegitimately told. It's really sad.

P.S. Turns out there was a reason the link worked when I posted it but didn't work today. They took it down via a "clarification."

I drink alot. Why, because I am lonely and it hushes the wild sounds of my sad heart.

"I take responsibility for my actions that bring me here today. I took these actions because my conscience led me to help people who are suffering," Rosenthal said outside the courtroom. "These laws are doomed." ...

At a time when they should be concerned about terrorism, they are spending significant resources chasing, arresting and prosecuting medical marijuana cases.

Living in ficitious times. It's all crap. Why do people buy into it all?

And we Gay people aren't allowed to get married after these types of desecrations? This world is upside down.

Guess who I got a postcard from? Yep, that's right. He's visiting London and writes: "Keep things alive and happy in Blogville while I'm gone! Having a great time in Britain. Peace." Sweet.

Tuesday, June 03, 2003

GAY LIFE

Sometimes I'm surprised by who's Gay. While I may have easily known about B.D. Wong, I had absolutely no idea about Richard Chamberlain. I'm sure others out there will think I was naive. But it just goes to show you that there's more of Us than you might think. Let's party!

I'm proud of what I did. I take responsibility for what I did. If the court finds that I should go to prison, I think that they (the government) will ultimately regret it. Change takes time and unfortunately history shows that many people are swept up before the change takes place.

"This change will allow massive media giants to grow -- media giants that already use multiple outlets to promote their views and dominate public debate, creating the problem of a media echo," said Sen. Barbara Boxer, D-Calif.

Monday, June 02, 2003

Strong excerpts from a positive article in amongst the rubble of life:
Activism is not a journey to the corner store; it is a plunge into the dark.... Joy is one of our weapons and one of our victories....
Holding that anything less than total victory is failure, as grumpy perfectionists do, is a premise that makes it easy to give up at the start or to disparage the victories that are possible. This is Earth. It will never be heaven. There will always be cruelty, violence, destruction. In the time it takes you to read this, acres of rain forest will vanish, a species will go extinct, women will be raped, men shot, and far too many children will die of easily preventable causes. We cannot eliminate all devastation for all time, but we can reduce it, outlaw it, undermine its source and foundation: These are victories....
I'm hopeful, partly because we don't know what is going to happen in that dark future, and we might as well live according to our principles as long as we're here. Hope, the opposite of fear, lets us do that.

Now that I've had Amaya for some 8 months, I fluently speak her version of CATonese. As such, I know that she is mighty perturbed that I am home today. She keeps looking at me and saying, "Why are you here?" "You're in my way." and "This is my alone time."

Ah, my first official day without a job and I've already lost my mind.

Sunday, June 01, 2003

GAY LIFE

New Issue of the Month is up, plus it comes with my very own "coming out" story:
June 2003:
GAY LIFE


You cannot demand your rights, civil or otherwise, if you are unwilling to say what you are.--Merle Miller
It is better to be hated for what one is than to be loved for what one isn't.-- Andre Gide

I had this running joke all last week at work. People would ask me what I was going to do next week when I didn't have this job anymore and I would say I was gonna detox. Little did I know how true that statement was. All of the sudden Friday afternoon I started feeling a cold coming on. By Friday night it was something terrible. I kept wondering if this cold had something to do with all the toxins leaving my body and my physical state trying to accomodate the situation. Regardless, I've pretty much been asleep since Friday night (it's Sunday morning now) and all I still physically want to do is sleep. But my mind wants to do things and be alive. It's the usual mind/body bifurcation problem. So I really am going through a detox program. Who knew?