Some 6,000 National Guard personnel in Louisiana and Mississippi who would be available to help deal with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina are in Iraq...

ok guys, take 2
for those who read my column already, i rearranged and edited it. i like it a lot better now and it reads more cleanly. take a gander at the new version below.

“Family Values”

My sister and I have a lot in common. We both had to struggle to tell our parents the truth, and to usher them through a reality that was going to be a difficult journey for us all.

Before I Came Out to my parents, I lived through years of worry, self-denial, and self-hatred. I feared their reaction, their possible rejection, everything. I also felt like I would be letting them down. I did everything in my power to make sure they didn’t know. I would have lied about it. Wait… in fact, I did lie. Constantly. I lied to them and I lied to myself. I lied to pretend. I lied to figure things out. I wasn’t lying to get-away-with-something. I was just lying for my own sense of survival.

After my sister’s 17th birthday my sister told my parents that she was pregnant. I can only imagine how difficult it was for her to tell them. Not only would she have had to go through all of the emotions and confusion I just listed about my own secret. But in a much shorter time frame. And she would have to quickly make a decision about it. No pretending or ‘passing’ for her. This was a physical change.

Yes, telling your parents you’re Queer and telling them you’re pregnant are two different things-- two completely different issues. As a male, I don’t mean to imply I understand the second issue at all. I don’t mean to equate the experiences necessarily. I do mean to say that I personally understand telling my parents a difficult secret. And I do mean to say that my sister and I are lucky to have such a wonderful family who listened and supported us after we told our secrets.

And, in the end, we did both tell our parents. And, although it was a trying time for the family in dealing with a new reality, we managed and we survived. My sister and I are lucky that we have such a wonderful supportive family behind us.

Not every family is as wonderful and supportive as ours. We Queers know that many families have kicked out their children for being Queer. Or worse. We know that happens. We have friends who have been through that. We live in a society that kicks us around constantly. We know not all families are kind to their children.

The abilities of families to communicate with each other are dependent upon each family. Every family is different; every family communicates in their own way. My family was supportive enough to hear us as we told our secrets and saw us through the new realities.

These are the issues I think about when people talk about ‘parental notification’ or ‘parental consent’ laws for abortion. These aren’t simple issues. Parenting is complicated; being a teenager is complicated. And each family has its own set of issues and dynamics with which to contend.

Government cannot mandate every family’s communication habits. And government cannot make people do what they’re not ready to do. If I had been mandated to tell my family my secret before I was ready, I would have done everything in my power to not tell them for as long as possible. And I would have lied for my own protection and survival. And I may have very well killed myself rather than confronting the truth I was not yet ready to vocalize.

For a teenage woman who’s pregnant, waiting as long as possible to tell the truth is running against the clock and further complicating the issue. And for those trying to hide the truth it can result in some dangerous health risks, oftentimes including self-inflicted trauma that no one should ever have to go through.

I am glad that my sister told my parents when she was pregnant. I definitely would have wanted to know, as I know my parents would have wanted to know.

But if my sister had not been able to tell us, if she had felt that she couldn’t go through with the responsibility, then regardless of her choices and decisions, I would have wanted her to be safe and healthy. And what I fear, and what we know from such ‘parental’ laws around the country, is that if a conversation is forced, the teenager may find their own unsafe methods of handling the situation.

The proponents of Proposition 73 want us all to believe that teenage women who are pregnant should tell their parents about it before they make a decision. Well, to be honest, I agree with them on that point. I agree that teenage women should tell their parents.

What I do not agree with is that they should be forced to by the government. And what I do not agree with is the idea that they should be forced to talk to their parents if they’re not able to do so. Family communication is a personal thing among the family members and not for the government to intervene. Yes, family communication is the ideal. Yes, we want to live in an open and honest society where everyone can be open about everything and that there are no secrets. Yes, we want our children to come to us each and every time. But here in the real world, if they can’t, for whatever reason, I would want my family and my children to be safe.

So vote against Proposition 73. Not only because it’s the right thing to do. Not only because Prop 73 is part of the right-wing’s decades-long agenda to take away the right to privacy. Not only because it’s an anti-choice initiative designed to hurt women and dismantle Roe v. Wade. Not only because it’s poor public policy. Not only because if they win this they’re even more primed to promote their anti-marriage-equality initiatives next year.

Vote NO ON 73 because you and I and everyone can all agree that we want our children to be safe. And we want them to come to us when they’re ready and able. Because in the end, that’s what makes a family great.

My sister and I went to our parents when we were ready and able to do so, and because we also knew that our family would hear us out. Our parents raised us right by loving us unconditionally and letting us know that we could always come to them. We told them truths that were difficult. But our family has been stronger for that ever since. Our family values were set by our parents and came from within. And government had nothing to do with that.

VOTE NO ON 73.

new column

“Family Values”

Before I Came Out to my parents, I lived through years of worry, self-denial, and self-hatred. I feared their reaction, their possible rejection, everything. I also felt like I would be letting them down. For most of my life before I Came Out, I would have done everything in my power to make sure they didn’t know. I would have lied about it. Wait… in fact, I did lie. Constantly. I lied to them and I lied to myself. I lied to pretend. I lied to figure things out. I wasn’t lying to get-away-with-something. I was just lying for survival.

Shortly after my sister’s 17th birthday she became pregnant. I can only imagine how difficult it was for her to tell my parents. Not only would she have had to go through all of the emotions and confusion I just listed about my own secret. But in a much shorter time frame. And she would have to quickly make a decision about it. No pretending for her. This was a physical change.

In the end, she did tell my parents. And, although it was a trying time for the family in dealing with a new reality, we managed and we survived. Just like they managed and survived after I told them about me and my secret. My sister and I are lucky that we have such a wonderful supportive family behind us.

Not every family is as wonderful and supportive as mine. We Queers know that many families have kicked out their children for being Queer. Or worse. We know that happens. We have friends who have been through that. We live in a society that kicks us around constantly. We know not all families are kind to their children.

And, yes, telling your parents you’re Queer and telling them you’re pregnant are two different things-- two completely different issues. As a male, I don’t mean to imply I understand the second issue at all. I don’t mean to equate the experiences necessarily. I do mean to say that I personally understand telling my parents a difficult secret. And I do mean to say that my sister and I are lucky to have such a wonderful family who listened and supported us after we told our secrets.

The abilities of families to communicate with each other are dependent upon each family. Every family is different; every family communicates in their own way. Government cannot mandate family communication. If I had been mandated to tell my family my secret before I was ready, I would have done everything in my power to not tell them for as long as possible. And I would have lied for my own protection and survival.

These are the issues I think about when people talk about ‘parental notification’ or ‘parental consent’ laws for abortion. These aren’t simple issues. Parenting is complicated; being a teenager is complicated. And each family has its own set of issues and dynamics with which to contend.

I am glad that my sister told my parents and the rest of us when she was pregnant. I definitely would have wanted to know, as I know my parents would have wanted to know. And in the end, we are all very happy to have my niece with us today.

But if my sister had not been able to tell us, if she had felt that she couldn’t go through with the responsibility, then regardless of her choices and decisions, I would want her to be safe and healthy. And what I fear, and what we know from such ‘parental’ laws around the country, is that if a conversation is forced, the teenager may find their own unsafe methods of handling the situation.

The proponents of Proposition 73 want us all to believe that teenage women who are pregnant should tell their parents about it before they make a decision. Well, you know what, I agree with them on that point. I agree that teenage women should tell their parents. What I do not agree with is that they should be forced to by the government. And what I do not agree with is the idea that they should be forced to talk to their parents if they’re not able to do so. Family communication is a personal thing among the family members and not for the government to intervene.

Yes, family communication is the ideal. Yes, we want to live in an open and honest society where everyone can be open about everything and that there are no secrets. Yes, we want our children to come to us each and every time. But here in the real world, if they can’t, for whatever reason, I would want my family and my children to be safe. And in order to be safe, I’d want them to have all the information available to go forward with making the best decisions possible.

So vote against Proposition 73. Not only because it’s the right thing to do. Not only because Prop 73 is part of the Right-Wing’s decades-long agenda to take away the right to privacy. Not only because it’s an anti-choice initiative designed to hurt women and dismantle Roe v. Wade. Not only because it’s poor public policy. Not only because if they win this they’re even more primed to promote their anti-marriage-equality initiatives next year.

Vote NO ON 73 because you and I and everyone can all agree that we want our children to be safe. And we want them to come to us when they’re ready and able. Because in the end, that’s what makes a family great. My sister and I went to our parents when we were ready and able, and because we also knew that our family would hear us out. Our family has been stronger for that ever since. And government had nothing to do with that. VOTE NO ON 73.

it's getting close to 1 o'clock in the morning. i jump on the cable car to take me home. i'm the only passenger on the cable car at this late at night/early in the morning. it's a beautiful night and i've just been at an after-party for an ice-skating show. there's an ice skating rink in downtown san francisco and they had a special showing as a benefit with figure skating champions like rudy galindo and others. and they had placed our seating tables on the ice. so it was freezing but we were right next to the ice skaters. i could feel the whoosh as they skated by. oh, and ellen greene from 'little shop of horror's was there singing for the ice skaters. she was amazing. i'd never really heard her sing before, but, wow, what a voice. i'm now a fan. she's way more than just the audrey character.

so i left the after-party, which was awful fun and i met a few of the skaters and others involved in the production. getting close to 1am i decided to go ahead and head home. i walked all the way through downtown and was going to walk home, but then i decided maybe i'd see if the cable car was running this late. and i thought a nice cable car ride in the nighttime would be beautiful. amazingly, it was coming up the hill as i walked up. perfect. i jumped on the cable, as i said. everybody jumps. and i'm the only one there. and i'm sitting on the outside bench looking out. i look at the operator of the cable car and pull out my bus pass.

the bus pass flies out of my hand and down the street! oh lord! um, uh oh. i see it land on the street, but with the major wind of the evening there's no telling where it could go. and i couldn't get off the cable car until the next stop. so i'm thinking in my head whether i still need the pass. it is almost the end of the month and i could probably make do without it for a few days. but then, i decide that i'd really be much happier with it and i did see where it landed so maybe i'd have a chance to find it. of course, i'd have to get off the cable car that runs so rarely this late at night. but i get off. i walk down the hill to where it landed. it's not there. of course. luckily though, since it's so late there's not much traffic so i'm looking around in the street, carefully making sure no cars are coming, but looking around for my lost ticket. i look for about 10 minutes all over. i figure it's over and there's no hope. i decide to start walking away. and then i spot it in the middle of the street, down further from where it landed, right next to the cable car line.

i scoop it up. i'm thrilled that i have my bus pass again. my monthly bus pass. i need that. thank you lord. thank you. but of course, now i'm in downtown and i have no buses to take me home because it's extra late. i could cab it. i could walk it, but i'm on the hilly area and that would be a trek. and i have on my good shoes which means i'm tired of walking in them. been in there for 5 hours or so. my feet are tired. but i have my bus pass. so i decide to walk up one block to catch another bus which hopefully will come along soon. i wait. but it's not too bad of a wait because it's a gorgeous night out. and i have my bus pass.

eventually the bus comes along and i take a seat and it takes me home. eventually.

a very funny episode spilled out in the back pages of the chronicle last week. the columnist was quoting Armistead Maupin, and here's the quote she attributed to him: "My only regret about being gay,'' wrote Armistead Maupin, "is that I repressed it for so long. I surrendered my mouth to the people I feared when I could have been out there loving someone. Don't make that mistake yourself. Life's too damn short.''

when i read this quote i thought it sounded a little strange but i assumed that maybe he meant the word 'mouth' to be like a 'voice' and let it go.

in the next week's column, a correction was made whereby the columnist noted that she transposed an 'm' instead of a 'y' which made the correct word of 'youth' ito the incorrect term 'mouth.' now reread the quote and it makes so much more sense: "My only regret about being gay is that I repressed it for so long. I surrendered my youth to the people I feared when I could have been out there loving someone. Don't make that mistake yourself. Life's too damn short.''

the columnist wrote on the correction, with Armistead also chiming in tongue-in-cheekly: "In Maupin's phrase about regretting surrendering his youth to bigots, I'd typed "mouth'' instead of "youth,'' a gaffe that gives rise to all sorts of off-color wisecracks. Maupin, who has a great sense of humor, took it well. Nonetheless, my typo makes the original statement sound vulgar, which it wasn't. "I don't know what bothers me more,'' said Maupin, "that the Concerned Women for America seem to have a reasonable objection or that I seem to be disparaging my favorite form of sex. You blew it, Leah.''

over the last week i've suddenly gotten several comments from religious conservatives chiming in on my liberal viewpoints. why? where is this coming from? am i linked somewhere in the world that's conservative bringing in droves of conservatives to comment on something i've said?

anyway, comments are welcome. but if you don't like my viewpoints there's a whole wide webworld out there and you can find plenty to agree with out there somewhere. this is my world, reese's world, and i like it just fine as is.

i know i know, i haven't been writing. i've been busy or tired or disinterested or something. not sure, but i haven't had much to say lately. but i'm feeling back in the groove now so don't touch that dial, we'll be right back after these messages...

too true:
One of the most exciting things about movies is that they can give us an intimate look at cultures and subcultures we might otherwise never experience. One of the most depressing things about movies is that so often these cultures and subcultures end up looking almost exactly the same.

more from my ongoing rant over the years about the missing/dead white woman of the moment stories we get from the media constantly. here's a website devoted to one specific very pretty african-american woman who's gotten no notice by the media, and whose family included a page on her website devoted to a whole host of other missing persons who just don't happen to be middle-class, petite young white women. and here's some good commentary on the insipid subject that drives my mind into fits of outrage:

'To be blunt, blond white chicks who go missing get covered and poor, black, Hispanic or other people of color who go missing do not get covered,' said Tom Rosenstiel, director of the Washington-based Project for Excellence in Journalism. 'You're more likely to get coverage if you're attractive than if you're not.' Memo to ugly people: Be extra careful...
"A damsel must be white. This requirement is nonnegotiable. It helps if her frame is of dimensions that breathless cable television reporters can credibly describe as 'petite,' and it also helps if she's the kind of woman who wouldn't really mind being called 'petite,' a woman with a good deal of princess in her personality. She must be attractive -- also nonnegotiable. Her economic status should be middle class or higher, but an exception can be made in the case of wartime (see: Jessica Lynch). Put all this together, and you get 24-7 coverage."

omg, i had such a good time last night at runway 17, the annual pageant put on by GAPA- the gay asian pacific alliance- where they choose a mr. and miss gapa each year. so funny and fun. and my friend wilson won mr. gapa this year. i'd never been before, but i think i'll definitely be back for runway 18.

my sister's visiting and she stayed at the Queen Anne Hotel. it's only a few blocks from my house. it's gorgeous! take a virtual tour on the website. it's also supposedly haunted and we did have a weird experience last night where the clock in the room started rolling backwards-- totally strange. either way, the place is gorgeous and every detail of every floor is highly decorated in an old fashioned victorian sense. so cool.

was in sacramento all day today. it's hella hot there. ugh.

"[bush] and most people in this country don't understand how science works," said Lindberg, chair of UC Berkeley's Department of Integrative Biology and curator for the UC Museum of Paleontology, which created a Web site, evolution.berkeley.edu, to help teachers fend off the attacks of evolutionary challengers.
"Words like 'theory' and 'hypothesis' mean something to scientists. Gravity is a theory. Evolution is a theory," he said. "Science is not a democracy. We don't vote on what theory we like best."

gosh, you mean there's really a war going on over there and it's not exactly pretty? golly, geez...

JESSICA SIMPSON wants to know where missing footage of her and husband NICK LACHEY's harrowing trip to Iraq got to - because she thinks Americans would like to see just how bad conditions are there.

The pop singers-turned-reality TV couple travelled to the war-torn nation to visit US troops as part of a recent ABC TV variety special, and they were both left shellshocked by what they saw.

But all the controversial moments and harrowing footage of the trip didn't appear in the fun-filled TV show.

Simpson says, "It was unbelievable. They didn't show a lot of what really went on with the enemy attacks and the shelling. There was so much stuff that went on and somehow the tapes got mysteriously misplaced.

"It put everything in perspective for me. It really did teach me the definition of sacrifice. I can't even fathom being out there right now. I was ready to come home."

but at least our tv show did well in the ratings and we don't have to go back there unless we want to. but you know, i'd go back again if it would help sell my albums even more....

fascinating article on the birth of the first supermarket and how it changed daily life for everyone. note this interesting excerpt:

Not only did Cullen shake up the industry by offering low prices on a large scale, he revolutionized the chore of going to the market with the idea of one-stop shopping. Instead of customers dropping by three different stores to purchase meats and produce, they found everything under one roof. This increased people's reliance on cars. No longer did they make daily trips by foot to the corner store to pick up a few odds and ends. Rather, they made one trip and loaded up their cars every week, giving Cullen the volume of sales he needed for his business concept to thrive.

Women in particular were freed from the chore of shopping at several locations. "Supermarkets played a large role in liberating the woman," said Louis Bucklin, professor emeritus of business administration at UC Berkeley's Haas School of Business. "They reduced the amount of time they had to spend on shopping, with fewer trips to the store."

This item will be released on August 16, 2005.
!!!!!!!! of course, happily added to the good ol' wish list!!!!!!!

new newsletter is out. yay!